by SPARKL3D0G » Thu May 09, 2024 6:15 am
Dear S
If you saw me today you’d be proud of me, I wish I could tell you how well I did in my dressage competition (I mean I literally came first) but honestly I just wish I could tell you anything at all. I keep wanting to tell you every time something good happens to me or every time I get upset but I can’t tell you anything now, you’ll never know anything new about me and I’ll never know anything new about you and what hurts me is how I can’t add anything to my memory of you. I thought about you a few times today, I still dream about you as well but I can only remember how your voice sounded calling me “puppy” and I fear that some day I’ll forget your face considering I no longer have any access to the very few photos I had of you.
I don’t want to forget you, I saw a tiktok of someone saying about what song she wanted playing as she walked down the aisle at her wedding and it made me sad because I knew for so long what song I wanted for OUR wedding and it kills me we’ll never have that, I still can’t listen to that song since I lost you and it’s hard enough listening to the other songs that you sent me so I never play my music on shuffle because if one of those songs started without warning I think I’d cry. I’m trying not to cry now even if I had a great day, you’ll never know how my life turns out even though I planned to combine it with yours.
I would tell you all this if you were still around, I told you as much as I could when I knew our time was limited but it would never be enough even if we knew every moment of each other’s existence from womb to grave. I wanted to give everything and receive everything, I wanted to hold you so tight that neither of us could breathe but it would be fine because all we need to live is each other and please I hope that you know that even if things were difficult sometimes that I’ve loved you beyond the end of us and I will love you until after I die no matter how many other relationships I have or how good they are because even if they’re easier or objectively better I will still love you just as much as I do now.
I really hope that wherever you are that you’re doing as best as you can, I hope that if we’re right about what happens after you die that we can be together then.
I think tonight I might try to watch the last movie we watched together, I hope someday I can watch the second movie we ever watched again but the characters seem too much like us for me to handle it yet and it was tragic just like how our story was tragic. I honestly feel like romantic love makes me sad now, I’m at the point that I’m open to dating again but this time with different standards but I’m not going to seek anything out because I don’t really know if I can deal with someone else not instantly living up to you so maybe I should just think on it more.
I really wish you had sent me the box of presents you got me, it’s a bit silly but to have more stuff that came from you would have been really helpful but it’s ok I don’t blame you I’m not mad it just would have been a comfort
Mainly here to draw and collect pets, I make editables and adopts so check out my gallery