A Royal Pain [posting allowed c:]

[Roonil Wazlib]

I really like it so far c: I usually tend to avoid 'teen drama pet journals' but yours is really interesting. The only thing I can find wrong with it are a few spelling errors/typos here and there, but otherwise it's great!

[Lady Tuesday]

Thank you X3 My phone tries to use autocorrect but epically fails...and as for the spelling, that is because the E's and the R's don't always catch on my keypad. I try to fix it when I see it, but it gets so tiring :c I'm glad you like it though!

[Silverhart]

Critique! ^^ Since you asked for some.
I did a few corrections of grammar and what not that I noticed right away. I didn't really look for more sentence/grammar problems in the last part of the story. Actually, nothing really jumped out at me as wrong in the rest of it. Just these few things in the beginning.

"Some might ask, 'have you ever seen a castle before', but I {Whom of which has never left the castle before}, would ask what it's like to live in a home."
This sentence is somewhat awkward. Try "Some might ask, 'What's it like to live in a castle', but I - who has never left the castle, would ask what it's like to live in a home."
Given she's a princess, I assume everyone who meets her assumes she lives in a castle.
"Whom of which" just sounds awkward, and I don't think it's grammatically correct - I could be wrong, but regardless it's just too wordy and awkward-sounding.

"As I am writing this, mother and father {A.K.A. the Queen and King}"
The "a.k.a" thing is unnecessary. We know she's a princess, and lives in a castle so the reader assumed that they are the king and queen. Also, if this is a diary, she's writing for herself and not expecting anyone else to read it, therefor it's unlikely that she would point this out to herself.

"I made sure my groan of resistance would be loud enough for Dorothy(Dotty) Day Starlight, my mother..."
Again, I find it unlikely that she would point this out to herself. Her mother's name and nickname is unimportant to this sentence.

"I later soon found that she was not very good at "sensing" things."
Later and soon are opposites, so try use one or the other.

"Coming!....Your heighness."
I don't understand this part. It's spelt 'highness', I'm not sure if that's a typo or not. Also, 'Your Highness' is generally used as a title for a prince or princess. 'Your Majesty' would be the correct title for a monarch. It seems like it's meant to be a jibe at her mother, but I wouldn't think a princess would make that mistake.

I love the main character's voice - it's strong and witty, and I love how she talks to her diary.^^ I especially love the under the table scene! I loved their little banter, and I thought it was very well-written.

You should definitely add more description. Even if it is a diary and meant to just be thoughts, description will definitely improve it.

I suggest you cut back on the parenthesis. ^^ There's nothing wrong with using a lot of parenthesis, but a lot of the things in parenthesis can be written into the story in a much stronger way. As in "I mummbled and then placed my diray on the shelf next to the table and love seats. {Of which we were sitting on for tea.} "
You can state the fact that they were sitting on the love seats before you talk about putting the book on the shelf. Introduce the scene, before you start to use it.
The parenthesis interrupt the flow in a lot of places as well. Not that you should get rid of them all, but think about other ways to say something.

Also, make sure you don't depend on those colors too much! You should establish who's speaking without relying on those colors. For the most part I think you achieved this, but just keep it in mind.

It's very good! You should keep writing it! Good luck, and hope my suggestions were somewhat helpful.

[Lady Tuesday]

That was extremely helpfull! I will be sure to incorperate as many of your suggestions as possible! I have noticed a few things here and there as well, but I am currently sick and a bit lazy. Anyways, I really enjoyed your critique and hope it wasn't too much troble for you to write so much!

[Silverhart]

Naw, it's no trouble. I enjoy giving critique when I have the time, so long as it's appreciated. I don't consider myself an expert, but I'm glad I could be helpful, and I hope you feel better soon!

[Lady Tuesday]

Aww thanks. *tries to stop snivveling* I hope I can too XD I slept practically the whole day but I still feel terrible. Anyways, I'll fix it as soon as I can c: And I'd consider you an expert, but I guess that depends on what you're best at critiquing

[Lady Tuesday]

Ooh! Idea, maybe I could use italics instead? Or maybe bold? Oh when she talks to her diary it could be in italic (like she wrote it that way) and when they speak, in bold so it's noticable but it doesn't blind people?

[Lady Tuesday]

I have changed the format. Do you guys like it better this way? Is there any place where it is hard to tell who is speaking? Also, new post up soon!

[Silverhart]

Me? An expert? *blushes* Anyway - more critique! Since you asked for me to look it over again, and I noticed a few things I'd missed. XP

I definitely think it's improved! The new format is nice, with the italics for the diary-speech stuff. The flow is so much better with less parenthesis! If you do like the parenthesis, then use them, but try reading the sentences out loud to make sure it sounds alright. Usually using parenthesis at the end of a sentence works best in my experience.

I didn't notice anything wrong with the dialogue. I found it easy to follow who was speaking. That's not always easy to do, but I think the dialogue is one of the strongest points of this piece.

Oh, I did notice - and I can't believe I didn't see this when I first read it - that you sometimes switch tenses.
"My eyes shot voluntarily to his ears. Nope, no earings. Good. At least he doesn't think he's a pirate.
He smirks.
You aren't even wearing earings.
I wrinkled my nose in frustration."
'Shot' is the past tense of shoot. 'Doesn't', 'think' and 'smirks' are present tense. And 'wrinkled' is past tense.
You make this mistake several times it seems, mostly around the dialogue. I was thinking too much about actual dialogue to notice it at first, so I'm assuming you were too. XP

"Then I realized he hadn't meant to say the last one outloud because he was trying to say that he was attracted to me."
I guess I'm paying more attention to the last part today! This sentence seems a little awkward. You'd probably be able to get rid of everything after 'out loud'. Her reaction and his blush pretty much say it all. Get rid of the "because he was trying to say that he was attracted to me", since your readers can pretty much figure this out for themselves. You want to avoid spelling everything out for them.
The fact that she delivers her statement: "I'm not attracted to you!" without any use of 'said' or it's modifiers, adds a bit of mystery! You could've easily told us how she delivered that line - angrily, truthfully, defensively, too quickly. But you don't, and that's awesome! The reader can't tell if she just said that, or if she means it and I think that's great! Not sure if that was your intention, but that's how I saw it. I'm pointing it out to show you don't have to spell everything out. A lot of times, less is more in writing, which is why the "because he was trying to say that he was attracted to me" is unnecessary.

"I knew it hurt her, but I hadn't cared for some time for whatever reason."
You can make this sentence simpler by removing 'for some time' and putting 'had' in front of 'hurt'. As in: "I knew it had hurt her, but for whatever reason, I hadn't cared."
I switched 'I hadn't cared' and 'for whatever reason' because it makes the sentence stronger. If you read the two, the one ending with 'whatever' sounds sort of off-hand and uncaring and maybe even a bit rushed. Switching them changes the focus from 'whatever reasons' to the real important statement, 'I hadn't cared'.

"She reached down and grabbed my face in her hands."
'Grabbed' is a very forceful word. You might consider replacing it with 'cupped', which implies that she was being gentle. You know, rereading it again, I find I really like the mother-daughter scene here. It's a nice little bit of character development, with just enough conflict and tension. You probably write better dialogue then I do.

Again, more description would be great! You don't have to write buckets and buckets of description (I'm the kind if person who writes tons and tons of description - but that's just me), but let us know where
we are, who we're talking to, what your character sees, smells, hears, tastes and touches. Little details like that will add up to make a vibrant world that's full of interesting characters. Picture your characters and their settings in your mind and write down what you see.
I think you could physically describe characters a bit more. It could just be a sentence, or a few words sprinkled into what's already there. For example Jopie doesn't really have much description - we don't know what she looks like, or who she is, outside of being your character's friend. Some of them already have pictures, it's true, but we don't know how your character views them or how they act. Just as some suggestions, maybe Miss Edith holds her nose in the air, or Roscoe struts about in a way that your character finds pompous - or maybe Roscoe skulks, or bounds, or shuffles. Maybe she thinks her mother is beautiful, or maybe not. You've already got a good start on that, all you need is a bit more.
Same with scenery - don't forget to describe it. What is the banquet like? Is it in a big room? Are there a lot of people? What are they doing? Is the mood jovial, or tense? Where are they when her mother is helping her with her dress? In her room? Her mother's room? Somewhere else? What time of day is it? Etc.
Keep the questions in mind. They're questions your readers will have. You don't always have to answer all of them, just sprinkle in enough information to paint the scene in your reader's mind.

[Lady Tuesday]

Naw you're totally an expert! I notice sometimes that I do these things as well, but I'm not good at editing my own work. Who is? XD Anyways, I see what you mean for all of those things. I have a pic of her mom and Jopie, I just forgot to post them. I know that it will be much better if I've got you as my personal editor No, really I need to start catching these things on my own. XD I will add more descriptions and such tomorrow.