f l y. {chapter three is wip; looking for crit!}

[Azalaya]

its really good and sends a shiver down my spine as i think what will happen to her.Who is this mysterious guy.....

[phenomenon]

Oh, I like this. I like this a lot. cx
Very well done so far.

The way you started out the first chapter so suddenly with action really captivates the reader.
And how you started it off makes me question everything. Why was she in the woods? Who was the lady?
Perfectly done to make readers come back because they want to know what happens next.
(I read all three chapters in about a minute. xD Yeah, my friends call me the "book consumer"...so...)

Your sentence structure is pretty good, if I may say.
Desrciptive to a point where I can sketch the scene but it's not overrun with lots of unnecessary detail.
I like them because it's not too long, but it tells you what is needed to paint a picture and see what is going on.

The little plot twist there where she can't speak is quite interesting.
Because usually a character's voice can tell you who they are and how they act immediately.
Her thoughts are pretty realistic. Short and to the point, how they should be, in my opinion.
Since they are thooughts, they shouldn't be too long necessarily.

Overall, I think this is a very interesting story well written so far. c:
I believe I'll be coming back to read on. cx
- Phenomenon c;

[winter.]

@ Azalaya:
Thank you so much!
I'm glad the story captures your attention.

@ Phenomenon:
Thank you for the praise/critique.
I appreciate hearing you talk about all the things I work so hard on!
I was worried it wasn't realistic enough, so I'm glad you said that.
This is the first story I've written, and I do hope you continue to read on!
More plot twists coming up.
;)

[Bruneydog]

Excitement!

[winter.]

Sorry the story is going so slow, guys.
I've been in a writing slump lately!

But I have exciting news: I have received some art of Ivy and Sam!
If you would like to see it, please click on the 'characters' link in my signature and go to 'my story'.
Also, information and descriptions of Ivy and Sam will be added in the near future.

EDIT:
I think I might take this off Chicken Smoothie and put it on a website.
That way, I can keep the story in the same place as the art and character information.
Does anyone like that idea?