azalea wrote: This is a critique for Nawee!
Who the critique is for: Nawee's Agency form for Harmony
What you had to say about it:I was born in a small town somewhere you don’t need to know.
This sounds strange to me...as if Harmony is very secluded and private and doesn't want me to know. I would just put "I was born in a small town." but that's my opinion.I jump into his car and fell asleep.
A problem with verb agreement here. I think you meant jumped right? C:
Okay, that were all the grammar errors I could find...
I think Harmony attacking her dad was a little sudden...If you mentioned somewhere that after her mom died, her dad began hitting her, it would make more sense to me C;
Now, I have a problem with the ending. It's so sudden. It feels incomplete, not a good ending that leaves me satisfied. Her attacking the dad, is the climax am I correct? Well, from there onwards, you sorta rush into the ending which I find very unsatisfactory (that's me, sorry. I can't stand endings in stories that aren't rounded and complete, unless they are meant to be cliffhangers XD). I think you need to elaborate more into the ending. Talk more about the stranger's car, about how she knew immediately that she was safe in the shapeshifter community, etc.
Other than that, I think you have a really great, sold form. C:
Thanks a lot for the critique, I think it will helps me out a lot. Do you think you could point me out the grammar mistakes ? English isn't my first language you see and I need to improve it, so I would like to know what I did wrong ^-^
For the dad part, I'll see what I can do to improve it. I thought it was clear that he was already hitting her, but it seems it's not. I'll work on that.
For the ending, it may be rushed a bit. I'll see what I can do there too. It's like another shapeshifters is asking her how she awakened and how she ended up in the shapeshifter village, so there is not really much to add to it. But I think I get what you mean and I'll try to fix it.
Thanks for the critique !
