The Critique Cafe- Need Active Critics!

[Weeping_Angel }Y{]

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: DolphinGirl4Ever
Link to what needs critiquing: Life as Pixies (A Tinkerbell Fanfic)
What is it: fan fiction, only five chapters are written so far.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? doesn't matter, here is fine though

[MegaCherrio]

I would like some critique on my form please!
Username: MegaCherrio
Link to your form: XxX
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Jellybean Dragon #224
Deadline for your form: Tomorrow . . a little late, but I want to see if I can get any quick critique. Anything/
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? PM please

[MalcolmOmnishambles]

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username:221b baker street
Link to what needs critiquing:~The Foretold Five~
What is it: Novel I guess, Based on Warriors by Erin hunter
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? PM please

[theauthor.]

I would like some critique on my form please!
Username: MegaCherrio
Link to your form: XxX
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Jellybean Dragon #224
Deadline for your form: Tomorrow . . a little late, but I want to see if I can get any quick critique. Anything/
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? PM please

i'm starting now c: i'll send it through pm when i'm done.

[theauthor.]

[size=120][color=#BF4080]I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: DolphinGirl4Ever
Link to what needs critiquing: Life as Pixies (A Tinkerbell Fanfic)
What is it: fan fiction, only five chapters are written so far.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? doesn't matter, here is fine though

here it is uwu;

there's one little aspect that bugged me all the time;
it's not very neat. perhaps smallen the sizes, and make it a grey [color code is 808080] or light blue. i like the fact you added histories, characters and the elements. the chapters are too spaced out, sometimes people may complain that things are too crammed, but, i believe that it's all too spaced out- making it rather too hard to read. if you crammed the the chapters together then each of them would be slightly short- but what can i say? i'm not too good at writing long chapters myself. lengthen the chapters a bit, and try adding a ton of description, but don't over do it.

It was an unusually stormy night in Pixie Hollow. Queen Aida was very worried about the weather conditions. There were never storms in Pixie Hollow. Not even when the elemental pixies had been in conflict had there been such great anger in the weather. She had sent air pixies to monitor changes in atmospheric pressure. What could be causing this? she thought.

this opening could be improved by just adding more description; e.g:

stormy nights were unusual in pixie hollow- and today was clearly one of those unusual and odd days. the fact that a storm was invading the town worried queen aida dearly. storms would never occur in this joyful town, and when they did, it never meant good. not even had there been a storm when elemental pixies had created such a great anger that the sun had hidden behind the midnight clouds- yet no storm ever arrived. still full with fear, the queen sent out the air pixies to monitor the storm. what could possibly be causing this? where's it coming from? why? these questions and more were constantly whizzing through her head.

personally, i believe that this is more likely to grab the reader, forcing them to read on. try not to overuse a word, like perhaps i overused the word 'storm'. that's my critique of your story c:

[Uchuujin]

Is this still open? I see the last post was about a month ago, and I hope I'm not bothering anyone by making my request ^^

I would like some critique on my form please!
Username: Siren~
Link to your form: can I message any potential critics the link to my form? I'm trying to keep track of everyone who has seen it ^^
Adoption Agency you are applying for: It is for Makoatl Number 76 -> viewtopic.php?f=53&t=2081607
Deadline for your form: I'm taking critique up until the 5th of January, as the deadline is the 6th of January!
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? PM, as mentioned above. I'm trying to keep careful track of each person who has read my form. Plus I get email notifications when someone PMs me, so I will know right away once you've given it critique!

No longer need critiques! I won the character I wanted <3 However I'm totally going to offer critiques to others now, in hopes of making this more active.

[Evil Muffin Overlord]

I would like some critique on my form please!
Username: Keplyn
Link to your form: Here it is. ^.^
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Jelly Bean Dragons
Deadline for your form: I'd like to have any critique by the 13th of this month, because it's official end date is the fourteenth, although it might be extended. ^.^
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? PM, please.

[Jericho]

Just a note to everyone requesting critiques:

As a main critique here I used to critique several forms a day, but due to my life becoming more occupied I am now unable to continue critiquing people's work at the level I did before. I know this problem also applies to many other critiques as well. This means that this place has kinda...slowed. Anyway, my point being, please be patient when requesting a critique as the critique's here are generously donating their time and effort to help you succeed in whatever manner you need. Please, thank you, and such are always appreciated and many our jobs just that little bit easier.

Again, thank you all for requesting critiques and please look forward to receiving your personal critique in your messages soon.
Thank you to our wonderful critiques as well for donating your time.

And as a side note, if it has been over a week since you've posted your critique request and you have not received one yet please do not be afraid to personally message myself or any of the other critiques in order to regain attention on your form. Sometimes in our busy schedules a form may get skipped accidentally

- Fox -

[WilloweWolf]

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username:WilloweWolf
Link to what needs critiquing:http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=57&t=2161448&hilit=bound
What is it:err... I guess yu could sya it's a novel...
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM?: here.

[jayus]

I would like some critique on my form please!
Username: pipsqueak99
Link to your form: Here.
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Jelly Bean Dragons.
Deadline for your form: March 25th is the competition deadline, I'd like any critique by March 23rd.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either works. I'll probably see it more quickly by PM c: