A New Home~Story~Please read and comment!

[sunflower.]

A New Home
By ღ L i v e L o v e ღ
Chapter One

I had nowhere to live, no one to love, and nothing to do than to sit on my horse, California Star, as he trodded onwards. We had no final destination; we just walked on and searched for the right place to be. Star was getting thinner by the day, due to the lack of luschious green grass - like those he ate back home. But home was no longer home to us anymore; everything was dead and grey. I didn't want to think about what happened, and I didn't want to go back - ever. Only bad memories wander around there now, and the good memories were long lost and forgotten. The only good memories - or only memories - that I carry with me, are those I have made with my beautiful, loving Star. I would never forget the memories I have made with him. But the ones of my family didn't count anymore, since ...
I bit my lip when I felt tears pressing at the back of my eyes. I didn't want to cry; for everything was over, and there was nothing I could do about it any longer. A new life lay ahead of me, but if it meant that I would have to carry on traveling with Star and making a living out of wild fruits, small creatures and insects everyday, then I would rather give up and die. I guess I would've died from exhaustion, hunger or thirst after a while, anyways. If I did die, then I'd die with the knowledge that Star would watch over me, and he'd become a wild horse again and maybe find his old herd. He was my everything; my one true friend. I'd never betray him, and I'd do my best to keep living just to take good care of him.
I halted Star in the middle of a field, where patches of green grass were scattered among long, dry grass. I dismounted Star and he happily munched on the short green grass, and when one patch was finished, he moved on to another one. He knew I didn't mind him moving around without me telling him to. He was very obedient, and he almost never did something without my permission. Besides, it was getting late and he hadn't eaten anything the whole day. I was very hungry, too, but there was nothing to eat for me while Star feasted on the green grass. And, I was too tired to search for big ants or worms. Eating worms and other insects grossed me out, but I had no other choice - unless I wanted to die.
I looked at Star as he pulled the grass off the ground with his front teeth and munched on it contently, his jaw moving sideways like a cow's, repeating the same thing over and over. "I think I'm going to take a nap, okay? Just until you finished eating." I stroked Star on his long, silky neck, nearly lost in thought. He was so beautiful, and I couldn't have asked for a better horse than him. I smiled at him and scratched his perfect white star on his forehead. "And after that, we'll carry on walking until we find a nice place to rest for the night. A place where it's safer." I kissed his velvety muzzle and he nickered at me, pausing his chewing for a moment, then dropped his head and continued grazing. I chuckled, then walked away a few feet towards a small rock. I positioned myself beside it and then rested my head on it. I could feel the cold and hard ground below me, through my vest. I moved my head on the rock. Wow this is a very hard pillow. I sighed miserably, wishing I had another choice. Wishing I could sleep on a real bed again, satisfied by a proper supper like I had every evening back home. But things have changed now.
I curled up my legs, and wrapped my arms around my body, trying to warm myself. As soon as I felt safe when Star started grazing closer to where I lay, I closed my eyes and soon I drifted off into a deep slumber ...

I pulled my covers up to my chin, staring up at the white-washed ceiling. I was cold and lonely, and I somewhat felt insecure right there, in my own room -the one I've been sleeping in for nearly thirteen years. There was no assurance that I was going to be okay, and that everything would go back to normal. I was so unsure of everything; so ... unprepared. I felt the most vulnerable I've ever felt in my whole life, listening to the loud voices below the thick wooden planks of my room's floor. My bed creaked as I dared to move onto my other side, and I slipped my head under the pillow to deafen out the unbearable sounds coming from the living room; the shouts between my mother and father.
I couldn't take it anymore; it was like a sharp knife driven deep into my heart, or two handcuffs tied tightly around my wrists, forcing me to cry with excrutiating pain. But the pain wasn't physical; it was somewhere inside my soul - my heart - where nothing could heal properly. There would always be a 'mental' scar inside of me. Even though nobody else would be able to see it, I'd never forget it long after it has healed and the pain has gone. I've learned to never scratch on a place where it doesn't itch, otherwise the consequences could be fatal. That's somewhat what happened in this situation: I brought up the subject, and soon I was the one to be chased out of the room.
As I lay there on my side, contently staring out of the window into the foggy dark night, the loud voices gradually ceased. The clock in the hall ticked on. This whole situation didn't turn back time or fast-forward it; it just slowly but surely carried on with what it was used to doing. I saw a dim light being turned on somewhere upstairs in the long hall, probably the one farthest of my room - next to Gale's room. My parents would've been done with arguing by now, I was sure. My mother was always silent after an argument, because she didn't want to stir up any other unnessesary things that would make my father angrier.
"Joey."
An ice cold shrill went down my spine, and I realised that my fingers were clasping at the bed's edge. I swallowed, hard, and wanted to turn my gaze to see who called my name. Instead, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. You don't want them to realize that you heard the whole conversation, Joey. I lay there in suspense, wondering what would happen next. I didn't want my parents to scold me for bringing up the subject, and I didn't want them to get divorced after their argument, either. It was that bad.. But what should I do to prevent all that? I heard the door creak open a little wider, and then the soft footsteps of my little sister as she tiptoed closer to my bed. I opened my one eye slowly, just wide enough to see what she was doing. She stared at me, her eyes as wide as golfballs, her arms wrapped around her favourite teddybear and her chin resting on its fluffy head. A small smile appeared across my lips in the dark, the moonlight brightening up the room just enough so I could see her figure. She was so small and so helpless, yet she was so cute. I opened both of my eyes and sat upright in my bed, realising I wouldn't get away with pretending to be asleep. She knew that I liked to pretend, but tonight was not a night to do that. The whole situation was very real; even more real than any of us could ever imagine.
Her fine blonde hair was tousled from tossing and turning in her bed, I had noticed, and her marine-blue eyes were an ash grey under the soft touch of moonlight. I positioned my back against the cold marble wall, still sitting on my bed with my legs under the warm covers. The moon shone directly onto my bed, illuminating any sort of darkness that could scare us. Not that I was scared of the dark, but Gale sometimes was. I was only scared of the dark in situations like this, afraid that something would jump up out of the shadows and grab me by my throat unexpectantly. But those stuff only happened in horror movies - not in real life. But at that moment, real life felt like a horror movie.
I patted the bed beside me, flipping open the covers just far enough so she could slip inside. It was cold, and I started to slightly shiver. But it was fine; I was quite used to it. "Come, Gale." I stretched out my hand and touched her forearm - she was cold, and I could feel how she shivered. Her jaws clattered on each other as she stood there, looking at the expectantly.. "Sit here, then we'll keep each other warm."
She gladly accepted the offer, and within the blink of an eye she was on my bed, my arm resting around her shoulders. Her legs were covered with the duvet, and her toes were like icicles against my legs. There was a silence, but it was precious. There was no need to break it, because both of us needed the silence. I sometimes thought that silence was needed on earth to show people how much noise they made in their everyday life. And it was true.
"Joey, I am scared."
Those three words explained a thousand things, but neither of us understood what those thousand things meant.
"Joey, what is going to happen? Are we going to be okay?"
I closed my eyes. A stream of silent tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably, dropping onto the duvet below. I could not answer her; for my mouth was dry and my throat was achy. My lips felt cracked, and my tongue tied. I hugged her from her side, both of my arms wrapped around her and her teddybear. I kissed her on her head, burying my face in her soft golden hair. I took a deep breath, and let it out, but instead I stifled a soft cry. All I managed to whisper was: "I don't know, dear. I really don't know."

I was startled awake, and I felt clingy and wet. I soon realized that I've been sweating and crying while I slept, and dirt and ground clung to my skin - especially my face because my head rested on the rock. I wiped at my face and dusted the extra dirt off on my pants, which were dirty themselves. I looked up at the sky, the sun shining its rays brilliantly onto the already dry earth. I was so tired of seeing just fields and no sivilization. It was hard to have to try and live without the things you really need. I have come to the conclusion that whatever you have in life, you should enjoy it because when everything is taken away from you ... You might not be able to live. Like me. I didn't appreciate the special things I had in life, even though they were just basics. And now, there weren't even basics to keep me alive. I put my hand above my eyes to prevent the sun's rays from shining directly into them, and then looked around the field.
I yawned and rubbed my eye, but then my hand stopped moving over my eye because I realised something. It was California Star ... He wasn't in the field! I shot up from the ground like lightning and turned around in circles, scanning the field for anything that looked like a living creature - hoping I would spot Star. "Star!? Here boy! Where are you?!" I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted, and I heard it echo across the field. There was no answer ... I sagged down onto my knees miserably, knowing that I have made a big mistake by thinking that I was just going to take a nap, but slept throughout the night instead.
But then something else caught my attention: it was my dream. It was exactly what had happened in real life. The situation was the same, the room was the same, Gale's face looked exactly like it looked on that night, the voices sounded so real ... How on earth did I remember every single detail? I stood there, astounded. I didn't know what I should think; I didn't know why I had the dream. Was I sopposed to see some small details I have missed that very night?
I stood there, in the middle of the field, dumbfounded. My attention got driven back to the fact that Star was missing, and I sighed hard. It was difficult to imagine life without Star; maybe I should've just killed myself by stopping to eat and drink. What on earth is going on in your head??? There was no solution; I didn't know where Star was, and I didn't know how or where I would find him. I just went on and hoped for the best - hoped that he would stand up from somewhere between the long yellow grass and neigh at me, as if he was playing hide-and-seek. But I knew the possibility was very, very scarce that he would play hide-and-seek. He didn't even know how.
After about an hour of shedding hurtful, longing tears, I forced myself to stand up and go on with my life, even if it meant Star wouldn't be there with me anymore. I hoped he was okay, and I hoped I would find him. And soon. I wondered if he hadn't been caught by some kind of wild animal; but then again, Star would never get caught by anything, because he was so big and powerful. Maybe he had tried to chase the animal away from me, and that's how he got lost. But Star would always find his way home ... Always ...
So, I put that thought behind me and walked on, with no final destination. Life is a journey, and a journey is life. I heard that saying many times before, and now I was about to live up to it - even though I had no friends, no family, no companion and no real purpose in life. Nothing could keep me from going, yet nothing pushed me onwards. I was on my own now, alone ... Far away from home and far away from the place I ought to be. Now my life was up to me.

Chapter Two

I walked onwards, feeling like I wanted to die but I couldn't. It had been four days since I have lost Star, but I wasn't bothered by that thought. The more days went by, the faster I would find him. There was finally something urging me to go on; to live for and to strive for. It felt like my life sagged down along with me every time I rested and sat down on my knees, but when I stood up I felt new and refreshed, like I just started my journey. Destiny awaited me, somewhere far away from where I was, I knew. I didn't need to die, because things could always go better. But at that stage, right there and right then, I stood in front of a huge hole in the ground that stretched as wide as the eye could see, to both sides. It felt like I have reached the end of the earth and the ground on the other side of the hole felt like a mirror's reflection; so unreal. The only difference between this side and that side was that I was on this side, and on the other side was nothing. Nothing. Nothing ...
The sun poured down its light onto earth like I've never felt before. My clothes clung onto my body, my hair and face wet with sweat. I wished I could clean myself, but that hole ... It bothered me. There was something fishy to it, I knew. It felt like the earth had a crack in it, and the crack stretched right around the earth, never-ending. But I knew I would find a way to go over it, or even under it. Or even through it. For some time I just stood there, thinking, wondering, making plans, waiting. But nothing came to mind; my brain stood still and I couldn't think of anything helpful. I only thought about California Star, and how wonderful and beautiful he was. I was sure he would've inspired me with an idea to get over, under, or through this hole. But he wasn't with me. He was only in my head now, and in my heart. I longed to see him again; longed to watch him race the wind, his coat glistening in the sunlight. I also loved to watch him run free when he was still a wild and frisky young colt, following the sun at day and the the stars at night..
Follow the stars! That was it! I would wait for the night to come, then I would follow the stars! Maybe they would lead me somewhere special, or maybe even show me where California Star was. The temperature would also be low if I traveled at night, and I wouldn't be held back by extreme exhaustion and extreme heat. But that meant that I wouldn't nessesarily be able to see where I was going, and that dreading hole would still be there. But I hoped and prayed that the stars would be light enough, and that they would shine on the path ahead of me, showing me the way. I also hoped and prayed that I would find California Star again, and soon...

❖ ❖ ❖

And I followed the stars indeed.
For the rest of that day, I waited in the sharpest light and the most unbearable heat of the sun. There was no sign of any food around, so I didn't eat or drink anything that day. Before, I have learned to use rocks and things to throw at birds that flew quite close to the ground, but here there weren't any birds to eat. Not even small insects or rabbits or any other sign of life. I felt dizzy, and was afraid that I would starve from the hunger and dehydration. My heart was thumping madly against my ribcage, and my mouth felt swollen and sore. I have been feeling absolutely fine on my journey until now, where I didn't have any access to water or food whatsoever. I was afraid, scared, terrified ...
"Jesus! Help me!"
I didn't have any other choice than to cry out to God. My father always taught me to have God as my first priority in my life, but I often forgot about to do it, and then I forgot about God, too. I thought for a moment, remembering my father's words.
"In Hebrews 13:5, the Bible says: 'I will never leave you, nor will I forsake you.' You should remember this, Joey. Remember that He will always be with you no matter what, and that He will protect you from evil. Trust in him, and you shall live. But push Him away, and you shall have to bear with the consequences ..."
I closed my eyes and thought about my father for a moment, locking everything else out of my mind. He had been so loyal to all of us. He was a wonderful man and father; protective, trustworthy, honest ... But most of all, he was an amazing child of God. I have always respected him for that. I missed him so much; more than I thought I ever would. But ever since that night when my father and mother argued, the thought of hating my father crossed my mind. I then accepted the fact that I hated him; hated him for saying that we would have to sell all of our horses, due to the lack of income. Money was nearly all my dad thought about, and he was barely ever at home throughout the day. He worked on weekends, as well, trying to bring in more money for food. We were low on money at that stage, but hearing that we had to sell all of our horses for extra money was an extreme shock for me, and sopposedly for the rest of my family as well.
My thoughts then switched to the death of my family, and how devastated I was by the whole situation. We would've sold the horses that very day when they all died. I was happy for the horses, but then it felt like a crime to feel even an inch of happiness because my family died, which brought sadness and mourning over me. I was all alone, and I didn't know how to handle it all. The house was empty and cold without my family, and I was the only one who lived there. I had no idea why I was the only one who stayed alive. Couldn't I just have died as well? It would've just been so much easier on me. After a week or so, our landlord had found out about my family that died, sincee my father didn't pay the bills. He came to inspect the house, with the intention to inform my my father that he had not payed yet. Instead, he found an empty, dark, and cold house. At first he thought we had moved, but when he saw that the horses were still there, he got a little suspicious.
He didn't know that I still lived there until he thoroughly inspected the house from one end to the other. All of our furniture and belongings were still in the house, so of course he should've known that we didn't move. But he wasn't a fool, and I have realised that. I have heard that in the 1700's, British soldiers had to live in the houses of people in the colonies because the Tea Party's tea bags were destroyed at the harbour by rebels, and the British soldiers were there to control the violence and arrest the rebels. It all depended on King George, if he wanted to start a war or not. Some of the people moved away to other countries on boats that left the harbour at midnight, letting the soldiers come home at night to stranded houses that were still full of furniture, but the people themselves were gone like mist in front of the sun. I was sure Mr. French - our landlord - had heard about that, too, so that was why he inspected the house. But maybe he thought that we had moved because my father could not pay the house's bills anymore, leaving the house stranded. But he knew we wouldn't just leave the horses, because they were very precious and vulnerable.
He eventually found me hiding in the back yard at, in the stall of my beloved horse, California Star. He had questioned me about everything, pulling every single detail out of my short, sad answers. He noticed that I have been crying a lot because my eyes were red and my face was swollen and blotchy, but he acted like he didn't care. I knew he was a little sorry for me, but he showed no emotion whatsoever. He left me, saying that he wanted to sell our house and all of our precious, wonderful horses, and he also wanted to send me to an orphanage far away from home. I was obviously reluctant to go, but he forced me to pack my bags anyways. But I had a plan. A plan that I was sure was going to work. A plan that had to work, otherwise I was doomed ...
After that day that my family died, I regretted the fact that I had hated my father. I have always loved my father, but on that night that he said he was going to sell our horses, I was furious, anxious and very concerned. So much so that I decided that I would hate him for the rest of my life, or well I soon realised I hated him for the rest of his life, of which the end came very soon. Sooner than ever expected. No one else besides myself and California Star knew that I hated my father for those last few days. If I had a problem, I always ran to Star and told him what layed on my heart, then he was always there to comfort me. My father, on the other hand, didn't understand why I would want to talk to a horse, because he thought that animals couldn't understand the human language. But I knew Star could understand what I said, because he used to stare at me with those huge, chocolate-brown eyes of him, looking through my eyes at my heart, telling me that everything was going to be okay.
I longed to hug Star again, digging my fingers into his mane, smelling his hay breath and feeling his soft, velvety muzzle against my back. Hearing his nicker over all the other sounds in the stables; the constant swish of a broom sweeping across the smooth floor in the lane, other horses talking to each other from opposite stalls, the calls coming from the riding instructor giving lessons in the ring ... I missed it all, but there was nothing I could do now to get it back. Nothing would ever be the same.
I brushed a silent tear away as it rolled halfway down my cheek, not allowing any emotions to take over. I didn't want to feel sad all over again, because I wanted to keep my heart clean and emotionless. Thinking about all that made my heart pull tears down over my cheeks, and they flowed uncontrollably. After a few more tears I finally gave in and accepted the fact that I can't not cry when I think about my family and how they died. I then sagged down onto my knees and sobbed, drenching out my sadness until I could cry no more. I had also realised that the sun had gone down very low, almost at the edge of the horizon, which meant it was almost time to set and let the night take over. Let me start with my journey again, but this time just at night. My stomach was growling and my mouth was dry, but I pushed myself on, hoping and praying that a miracle would happen to save my life.

It felt like I was being pushed into a dark, cold corner. Even at school I felt under pressure to listen to everything the teachers were saying, but all I thought about was the fact that my father had to sell the horses. [You never should've asked when we are going to train the yearlings. I wanted to kick myself, knowing that if I hadn't brought up the subject about our horses, then my father wouldn't have told me that he wanted to sell them. He probably would have told us some time, anyways, but right there and right then wasn't a good time to tell us. It was a wonderful evening full of smiles and delicious food, but then when my father said he was going to sell the horses, all of the happiness and smiles faded away.
I looked down at my workbook, really not inspired to do anything. The teacher babbled on and on, but luckily the time to go home had almost arrived. I knew it was almost time for the clock to ring and echo through the whole school, letting the kids know that it's time to go home. I couldn't wait to get out of this huge school with so many kids, who laughed at you when you walked by, or even called you weird names. I was sort of used to this by now, but today just made things worse. When the clock finally rang, I was the first one to be out of the class. The long halls seemed too long today, and I started to wonder if I would ever get out of the school. But luckily I did, with a lot of struggle. I felt somewhat clostrophobic, trying to push past all the other kids who walked in the halls, also wanting to go out of the school, just like me..
I did my best to avoid the popular girls, named Anastasia, Kathryne and Cheyenne. I almost hated them, but not as much as I hated my father for wanting to sell the horses. Coming to think of that again I walked faster, pushing past all the other kids with so much urge that I bumped into someone with a hard smack, letting their books fall out of their arms onto the ground. Other people nearly tripped over the books, and everyone stared at me. But I didn't say sorry or explain that I was in a hurry. They wouldn't have understood me anyways, if I explained to them what my situation was. I couldn't trust anyone at this school; they were too caught up by their own looks and trends, and in which cliques they were and how many boyfriends or girlfriends they had. I hated all that rubbish. I shook my head miserably and ran until I finally got outside.
The sun was very bright compared to the dim lights inside the school, but I escaped to a huge oak tree away from the big rush of kids coming out of the school. My mother used to come and pick me up at school, but sometimes I took a ride home on the legendary yellow schoolbus. But today I didn't feel like going anywhere; not home, not to my friend's house ... Nowhere. Not that I had any friends, anyways. I basically went through human friends like toilet paper; they were the ones who left me for a better or cooler friend, or even a snotty boyfriend. I didn't have the courage, nor the guts to go to someone and ask them what was their name. I was basically a loner, but if someone else offered to be a friend - even if it was for a short while until they found someone else - I was happy, even though it was for a very short period of time. But what I didn't like was the fact that I got so attatched to people, and then they left me to struggle and to fight on my own. So I have learnt to never trust people or get attatched to them with my whole heart, so just in case they left me biting the dust, I was alright.
I sat there, under the huge tree, watching all the other kids come and go, chatting to their friends, kissing their boyfriends or girlfriends, laughing and goofing around. Why am I not happy like that? Can't something interesting or exciting happen that would bring out the happy side of me? I didn't want to watch them, but it was almost like an urge inside of me to watch and see what life really can be. I have always been jealous of the people who had close friends, cliques, boyfriends or girlfriends ... But then again, I realised that they didn't have the blessing of having a whole backyard, filled with the scent of luschious green grass and hay, the sound of horses neighing at each other or the feeling of a beloved horse-friend nipping at your jeans for a tasty treat. I smiled at that thought, but my smile faded again because I then thought that it would all be gone in a few days ... All the horses sold, all the stables empty and all the wonderful feelings gone. All that would be left was the memories I have made throughout the years. Nothing else. I stifled a cry and rested my forehead on my knees, my back against the treestump. I wrapped my arms around my legs and cried like that, silently, not wanting anyone to notice what I was doing. They would surely laugh at me and say that I was a sissy-girl, crying about nearly everything in life.
"It's been an overwhelming day for you, I soppose?"
I was pulled out of my crying with the sudenness in the person's voice, which sounded like that of a young boy. I didn't make a sound, not wanting him to realise that I have been crying. I didn't want to talk to anyone now; I just wanted to be alone and cry for a little, without anyone disturbing me. My life was hard at the moment, and I didn't need anyone to complicate it even more. I just bit my lip and sniffed once, my forehead still resting on my knees. Then I slowly raised my head and looked up to find no one standing in front of me. I felt somewhat relieved, but then I felt a teeny-weeny bit of curiosity as well. I didn't know where the voice came from, but I didn't really intend on finding out, either.
I looked around me; left and right, but nothing was there. Maybe it was a voice in my head, I thought to myself, but then again, the voice in my head didn't sound like that of a boy. I raised an eyebrow at my thoughts, but then gave up on trying to solve the problem.
"Who are you? And why did you sneak up on me like that?"
I still looked around, trying to see around the tree, which was almost impossible to do because the treestump was very wide. There wasn't a way that I could sit on this side of the tree and be able to find out what's on the other side. So the boy was sopposedly hiding around the other side of the tree.
"I didn't sneak up on you. I was here before you, anyways. You were the one who escaped here and started crying." I could hear the boy's voice clearly this time, and I was definately sure that he was on the other side of the tree. But how does he know I cried? I couldn't even hear myself! That was my first thought that came to mind after his answer. I sighed and shook my head. Or am I so used to crying that I don't hear it anymore? I then heard footsteps coming from behind me; the boy standing up and walking towards me.
I waited, until I could hear the sound of someone breathing close behind me. I lifted my head up and saw, for the first time, the owner of the mysterious voice. Tall and slim was he, his hair as red as fire. Eyes as blue as the deep ocean stared down at me, a brilliantly white smile stretching wide across his freckled face. A smile that could light up the world. For a moment I stared at him, intrigued by his appearance, but I realised that it might just look weird if I continued to stare at him, so I pulled my gaze away and stared back down at my knees. I have never seen anyone with such red hair, blue eyes and white smile. I first thought it was a hallucination or something, but when I looked back up at him he was looking at me still, his head tilted slightly to the side.
"You look..." he thought for a moment, his forehead wrinkling deep under the few strands of his red hair. "You look ... concerned, and a little shocked, as well." He walked past me, and within one step he was in front of me.
I looked at him, somewhat taken aback. "What? Concerned? Nooo ..." I drifted off, but shut my mouth when I realised I was sounding rather peculiar. I felt a slight burn on my cheeks, but told myself to quit being so focused on everything that I did wrong. I smiled confidently at him, pretending that nothing had happened. "I am not concerned. I am just a little upset."
The boy looked flushed, but chuckled to cover it. "Oh, I'm sorry! I meant to say upset, not concerned. Wrong word!" It was like he was trying to apologise for what he had said, which I found rather amusing. I chuckled along with him, but just until he stretched out his hand. I didn't like touching boys, not even their hands for a hand shake. I didn't even like it when they touched me on my shoulder to let me turn around, to focus my attention on them. I stared at his hand, then my gaze shifted towards his face.
"I'm Gilbert Clay, the tallest boy in school."
I still stared at his hand, but I made sure that I didn't look disgusted. After a few seconds of deciding what I should do, I stretched out my hand too, and we shook. "I'm Joey White, I soppose the most unhappy girl in school." I smiled at him assuringly, but I was realised that it was actually meant to assure me more than it was to assure him. "Nice to meet you." I then pulled away my hand, not wanting to cause any awkwardness. It was polite manners to keep the other person in mind when you communicated with them, letting both them and yourself feel comfortable.
Gilbert laughed at me, but when he saw my serious expression he stopped and cleared his throat, then looked down and mumbled something that sounded like a "sorry".
I smiled, comforted by the fact that he was sorry for laughing. "It's okay, really. I just don't feel very well today."
He looked at me and tilted his head. "But what's the matter? You want to share your feelings?"
I looked around. I didn't want to tell him about everything. I mean, what if he was just another one of those kids who liked to tease me? Maybe he just wanted to gather information to tell the other kids, so they could tease me about it or even judge me for being sad about 'nothing'. They never understood my feelings and emotions. I wasn't up for all that. So I stayed away from that subject as much as possible.
"I ... Uh ... Don't really want to talk about it. Sorry." I felt a little guilty, not wanting to share something with him. He seemed like a very nice guy, but I have learnt to never judge a book by its cover.
His face was expressionless. Great, look what you've got yourself into, Joey. That was my thoughts. "Don't worry, it's okay. I understand. Unlike those Puppets out there." He pointed at the three famous girls, whom the rest of the school called "The Puppets".
I laughed at his remark. "Thanks for understanding. Oh, hey, here's my mom. It was nice meeting you, uh ... Gilbert." I chuckled, then flashed him a smile. I felt happy for for some time, but when I saw my mother's expression where she looked at me from inside the car, my mood changed back again. "I guess I'll catch you again another time." I then got up and started walking away, backwards, so that I could still see Gilbert.
He smiled back at me and waved. "Bye, Joey. Good luck."

Chapter 3

It had been three consecutive nights that I have travelled onwards, and believe me, I felt it in my legs. On the second night I caught a small rodent and ate it raw ... Yeugh. I never wanted to experience that taste again in my whole life. I was used to eating cooked, or even grilled meat. Eating it raw made me somewhat nausious, and I could almost not continue eating it. But I knew it would help me with my strength and hunger; it was just the dehydration that was getting me down, since I haven't drunk water since ... Since I started my journey. Which was five days ago. I ate the few trees' leaves' and plants' fluid and ate tree bark, but I was desperate for clear, cool water ...
I continued walking every night until the break of dawn. I was cold in the nights, and didn't have anything to keep me warm. California Star was away with his tack and my saddle-bag, which held all of my most precious possessions. Well, the few that I had left. But now I had nothing. I barely even had a life, coming to think of it. I was just a dirty, dusty, abandoned, young, helpless, hopeless orphan ... The list of bad things can go on and on. Just like the road ahead of me. But I realised that it wasn't a road; it was my mind trying to make it a road. It was actually just dust, ground, a few trees scattered here and there, and a huge, wide, threatening gap between this side of the earth and the other side of the earth. It seemed impossible to get on the other side; I have no idea how the people or animals on the other side even got there, in the first place. That is, if there were any people and animals on the other side. I smirked, shaking my head. It was starting to become painful to walk, because I wasn't fit at all. Having to walk far for five days, non-stop, was starting to get to me. And I was very well aware of it, believe me.
After my third night of travelling, I felt emotionally hopeless and physically very weak. Despite the fact that I have eaten something - even though it was quite long ago - it felt like I could faint any time now, and I didn't think I could continue with walking. If only Star was there ... He always inspired me to go on; to search for new life. I wasn't very keen on continuing to walk, but I knew I had to. I had to find Star, and I had to find myself a new life, which I liked. This life ... I didn't like it at all. I tried to think of what would happen if I found civilisation, which I doubted I ever would. At least I have come to a place where there were many trees, so I couldn't see what was past them. I wonder if there are house behind the trees ... I thought to myself, but then I knew it couldn't be true. It was way to hot out here, and I couldn't find any water or food.
For the first time in five days, I heard birds singing and animals calling to each other. Then I realised that if there were animals around here, there must be water and food as well! As soon as I realised that, I got an emotional and physical boost. There was hope for me. I really hoped my assumptions were right. If there weren't any food or water, then there was surely no hope left for me. I just hoped and prayed that I would find food and water, and soon ...
I waited a while in the shade, my back rubbing against the tree as I slid down it, exhausted. I need to take a break, even before I went on my search for food and water. I sat there for a moment, just enjoying the wonderful feeling of shade on my skin. I closed my eyes and sat there, soon finding myself drifting off into a deep slumber ...

I waited. The clock ticked on silently in the long, empty hall, echoeing its sound through the thick yet hollow darkness. I was sure no one was up and awake; my whole family was very sick in any case, so I knew they'd be asleep, or even unaware of anything that happened in the dark. I was very concerned about them; even my dad which I thought I hated. They have been sick for the past week now, and the docter said it was a general fever that hit the town. I didn't know what the concequences of the fever was; all I knew was that my family was very sick, and they didn't seem to get better. The docter was worried about them, too, but he said we'd just wait and see how and if the medication helped. I could hear my mother cough, but then everything silenced again and went back to how it was for the past 3 hours.
I didn't look forward to the next day. It was the day we had to sell all of our horses at the market, and everything and everyone in my family were ready for it. Everyone besides me, of course. My dad had worked out all of the prices of the horses, and it added up to a fair amount. An amount that seemed fair to my dad, that is. I didn't think anyone could afford the real value of our precious horses, but obviously my dad didn't care. I have tried persuading him into not selling the horses, but he never listened. I was sure he didn't even want to listen. We have worked so hard on them all, and now he basically wants to give them away? Just like that? I thought it was very unfair, to both us and to the horses. They were all champions by heart, I knew it, but my dad was someone who never paid attention to any of that stuff. He said it was just imagination that flooded my mind and eventually took over my whole brain system. But it wasn't imagination. It was true. Well, to me, at least. Gale was too young to understand this whole situation; my dad just told her that the horses were going to be given new, caring homes because they couldn't be taken proper care of at our stables. That was sort of what was happening, but we didn't tell her anything more. She didn't care, anyways. As long as she had her favourite teddybear, she was happy. What a simple life youngsters live ...
I flipped open my bed's covers, shivering as the cold air struck my lower-body. It was chilly, but obviously I hadn't realised it before, because I was comfortably nestled in my bed with the covers up to my chin. Now, I was fully exposed to the cold, and I was shivering. My jaws were clattering against each other, and nearly all the tips on my body felt frozen. I couldn't feel my nose-tip, and my fingers felt like ice blocks.. Only my thin silk nightgown covered my upper-body and half of my legs ... The rest was bare and cold. My mother insisted that I wear my socks throughout the night, but I told her it wasn't nessesary due to my thick bed-covers. Little did I know that I would wake up and get out of bed at such a time in the middle of the night.
Cold ... The thought struck my brain like a huge ice cube; literally. I then realised what I originally wanted to do and reluctantly slipped out of my cozy, warm bed, and felt my way around the room. I have done this many times before, but in the summer I could see more clearly because the moon shone brighter, so it sort of lit up my room. But, because it was winter, the nights were dark and somewhat creepy, the silence nearly taking over the darkness. I made sure I didn't trip over my pile of books I have placed on the ground only a few days ago, since my mom said I should sort and pack away my stacks and stacks of magazines and books. They were mostly storybooks; I loved reading about things that couldn't really happen in real life, but I loved reading anything, really.
If I didn't have anything to do after I have done my chores for the day, I read. I read until I could read no more, or until I had to go to sleep - which was usually the occasion. My mother couldn't understand why I loved reading so much, probably because she didn't like reading at all. It was my dad who read my bedtime stories when I was still a little girl, about Gale's age. But he didn't read to me anymore, neither did he read to Gale. I don't think he has ever read a bedtime story to Gale.
But it was okay, because now I could read by myself. I didn't need anyone to read to me anymore, because it wasn't nessesary. I was sure they'd accept an offer to read to me if I asked them to, but I didn't want them to read to me, in any case. It felt awkward and uncomfortable, just like any other situation in our household. My parents treated me like I was still a little baby, and sometimes they gave more attention to Gale than to me. I wasn't jealous ... I just didn't understand it. I was older than Gale, anyways, so why would they ignore me and give more attention to her?
The cold weather folded around me like an ice cold blanket, instead of a warm one. The cold penetrated deep into me, rushing through my veins and blood under my skin and into my bones. It felt like small ice crystals nestled between the strands of my curly brown hair, making my ears and cheeks flush red - with cold, not heat. My every breath was like a puff of heat that froze in mid-air, floating down to the ground in small pieces and softly landing on my feet. I started to regret the fact that I didn't put on my socks like my mom said. It felt like my every single toe was going to fall off, which would leave me unstable because a person needs their toes to be able to balance.
I face-palmed myself because I realised I was being very unrealistic. My toes would never fall off. Besides, there were many other places in the world that were colder than my room; but still, I even thought about doubting that. I shook my head vigorously, as if to get all off the silliness out of my brain. I focused on getting my clothes - as soon as possible - without fallling over anything that lay on my bedroom floor. The wooden planks creaked under my feet as I walked, but luckily rest of my family's rooms were far away in the hall, so they couldn't hear me as I walked. It was really annoying, the creaking, I knew. The floors right throughout the house were wooden planks - except for the bathrooms - but my dad had said that he wanted to replace them with mats and other, better floors. Creaking wooden planks weren't very nice to have right throughout the house, believe me.
In the dark, I fumbled around in search for my clothes that I have worn the previous day. I was lazy earlier that night because when I changed into my night-clothes, I just dumped my day-clothes onto the floor without caring. I guess I was tired, too, because I did such things when I was tired. I was generally neat and clean when it came to tidying my room or being hygienic. My room was always clean and tidy, and every time I changed into different clothes, I packed the previous outfit away. But I didn't know why I didn't put away my clothes that night ...
I eventually found my shirt that I had been looking for, but I still had my jeans and boots to look for. I wasn't really a fashionable girl; I liked looking pretty and feminine, but mini shorts and boob-tubes weren't my style. I liked wearing strapless dresses that swayed and flowed when I twirled around, with pretty sandals that made me feel like I was down to earth, not way up high in the sky somewhere like stillettos and high-heeled boots and shoes made you feel. I hated looking (and feeling) fake. Lace tops, warm and comfortable woolen jerseys, pretty shoes, comfortable jeans and shorts ... That was my style. Nothing else.
I changed into my shirt, almost tripping over what felt like a jean around my bare feet. I nearly laughed at myself, but decided not to, otherwise I might wake up my family. I pulled the jean off my feet, and slipped it on. It was cold, somewhat colder than the weather. But it was because it was laying around on the cold floor, with no body-heat against it to warm it up. I crouched down and numbly felt around with my hands, eventually grabbing two socks. I reversed and sat down on my bed, pulling on my socks. I looked into the dark at my room, wishing I had eyes to be able to see well at night. I ate a lot of carrots, but still - it didn't help me. Then, to my relief, I realised that I had taken off my boots beside my bed earlier that night. I bent down, remembering the place where they were. My hands fell on them and I picked them up, slowly putting my feet in them. They were starting to become a little too small for me, since my mother had bought them for me when I was twelve, and I was almost fourteen. It was about time for new boots.
I sat on my bed for a while, as if I was trying to gather strength or even try to brace myself for what I was going to do, in this cold weather. The poor horses must be freezing, I thought to myself. Just like me. I chuckled and stood up, grabbing my warm jersey that hung from my bedpost as I walked to my door. I slowly pulled it open, hoping the door's creaking wouldn't wake anyone up. I slipped out of my room, tiptoeing down the hall, past my parents' and Gale's rooms. I reached the staircase and felt around with my feet where the first step was and from there I went down the stairs carefully, not wanting to trip or fall because it was dark. I reached the end of the staircase and tiptoed to the front door, opening it slowly.
I stood there for a moment, letting the cold rush of wind flow over me, into the house. Close the door and go out, otherwise mom will be on your case tomorrow for opening the door because it's cold. And, it's late. I sighed lightly, then slipped through the door, outside. I silently shut the door behind me, and braced myself to continue walking in this cold. I walked onto the cobble-stone path that led to the stables, pulling my jersey closer over my shoulders. The night was dark and I could barely see where I was walking, but I was used to walking this path, so I didn't need any light. I could see the dark silhouette of the stable against the somewhat lighter, yet dark sky, and smiled. It was nice to be outside, even though it was this cold. I looked up, as if to search for the moon and stars in the sky, but there was nothing up there in the heavens. It was completely dark; it somewhat felt eery seeing nothing in the sky. I nearly tripped over a loose stone in the path, but regained my balance before stumbling. I neared the stables, but with every step I took closer, it felt like my stomach knotted. I had no idea why; I always felt at ease when I was around horses and I have never felt this before. It was probably because I knew the horses were to be sold later that day ... I couldn't bare think of it. Our stables would be cold, empty, abandoned ... We needed the horses to lighten up our world. Or at least my world.
I felt around for the doorknob of the stable-door and when my hand fell on it, I turned it to open to huge, heavy door. I pulled it open to find the familiar long row of stalls, and I stepped inside. I didn't need to close the door again; the wind shut it behind me. I waited a moment for my eyes to adjust to the comeplete darkness, besides for the faint moonlight that came shining down onto the floor from the windows. I felt around for the main light and switched it on, squinting all of a sudden as the bright light hit my eyes. The horses weren't affected because their stall-doors were closed and it was dark inside. I closed my eyes for a few seconds so I can get used to the light, then opened them again. It looked like the sun was shining; the light was that bright.
I continued making my way through the stable slowly, dragging my feet across the floor and longingly staring at all the stalls as I passed them. I knew which stalls belonged to which horses without looking at the name-tag. It was a shame that all of the stalls would be empty by the end of the day, and they would not be filled again, unless a miracle happens. But the horses that would maybe fill them again would not be like the horses we always had in them; they would be totally different. Other personalities, other coat-colors, other temperaments, other skills ... I couldn't bare think of that. I loved all horses, but losing the ones I had now was way too much for me to handle.
I stopped when I came to the stall of my horse, California Star. I wanted to knock, but I realised there was no need because he wasn't a human, and I could hear him bustling around in the stall. He was uneasy about something; maybe he sensed earlier that day that our grooms took extra special care of the horses for the next day, which was the day they were to be sold. I sighed and unlocked the doorlatch, opening the stall door. I felt around for the light in the stall, knowing Star wouldn't mind if I turned it on. The light flickered on and off, on and off ... Until it finally stayed on. I saw in Star's eyes that he was grateful to see me, as if he had expected me to come. I have done this many times before; sneaking out at midnight to come and visit my Star, or some of the other horses.
I let my arms stretch out and touch Star's muzzle; it was warm, unlike I expected because the weather was freezing cold. I wrapped my arms around Star for a moment, closing my eyes, drinking in the scent of horse and fresh hay. In a few days, the smell would be gone; the stalls would be empty and cold with no proof that any horses stayed there for the past eleven years. Just don't think about that, I told myself in my head, clinging onto Star with my fingers entangled in his rough, long mane.
"I just want you and all the other horses to stay," I whispered, feeling the flood finally pushing through from behind my eyes. I bit my lip, hard, trying to stop my tears from flowing down, but I simply couldn't. Star nudged me softly, trying to comfort me as I stood there as I clung onto him, crying. I didn't want all this to come to an end; it was all too precious to just let it go. "I love you Star, and I'd do anything I can to keep you."

I have walked around the the place where I thought I'd find food and water, but I was sure the only way I'd find it was if I was an animal with instincts, and the knowledge of where to find food and water. If only I had Star with me ... He would've been able to sniff out food and water, for both of us. I could've relied on him, but he wasn't there for me ... I sighed and sank down underneath a tree, feeling hopeless and extremely weak. I couldn't go on anymore, even though it felt that if I urged myself on I'd find new hope. But I didn't have the strength to urge myself on. The night was starting to get closer by the second, and I knew it was almost time for sunset because the sun was behind the trees.
I decided I would just sit there, under the tree, until better days came ... I wasn't up to walking anymore; I just COULDN'T. I took a deep breath, trying to let all the emotions inside of me explode out of me by exhaling. But they stayed there. I pulled my knees closer and wrapped my arms around my legs, letting my head rest on my knees. I closed my eyes and let the tears stream down my face, leaving sticky pathways between the trademark of dust on my cheeks. I would soon die, and I wouln't care at all. Before, I was afraid of death. But now, it seemed so natural.
I cried myself to sleep.

[sunflower.]

{{Bump! }}

[astral.]

Wowz! Lookings A-M-A-Z-I-Z-I-N-G!!

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LOLs fanx ya! XD

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{{I edited it }}

[Emotionless]

Interesting. I will keep an eye out for more.

[matidor009]

What a great read PM me when there is more:)
Keep it up:)

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I've continued working on it!

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||I posted another chapter! xD ||

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I will post more once people start reading...