The Critique Cafe- Need Active Critics!

[Papyrsatyr]

I don't see why not. ^ ^

[mirage.]

M'kay, here it is.

I would like some critique please!
Username: Mirage
Link to your form: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=99202&p=3404932#p3404932
Adoption Agency you are applying for: The Agency
Deadline for your form: Tonight. Dx
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Here because my PM inbox is nearly full.

Thank you. :3 Aaand, as you probably know already, it's about 80 percent done.

[Papyrsatyr]

Alrighty. I'll see if I can get Atwood or Rose to check it out. ^ ^;

In the mean time I guess I shall work on a small banner.

[Ebonpyre]

I would like some critique please!
Username: Azora
Link to your form: It's right here
Adoption Agency you are applying for: ::Avaydia::
Deadline for your form: This Sunday, I think
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Here

Thank you, this really needed to be created

[chaos.]

marking ^_^

[Atwood]

This is a critique for Mirage!
Who the critique is for: Mirage's Agency application for Poe (I wasn't sure what to put here, so I put it all XD)
What you had to say about it:
Overall, it's a really excellent application - the story is well-written, tautly paced, intriguing and engaging. I felt a strong connection to all of the characters, not just to Poe, and when I reached the end of the form I really wished that there was more so I could keep reading it and find out what happened next. XD It's an unusual point of view for a character application, having a personified narrator instead of the omniscient third person, but I really liked how you used the technique to increase the tension and the 'ghost story' feel of it. Tobias never felt like an intrusion on the story; he felt like a natural part of it as the teller of the legend of Poe. The story itself is great, too - I liked how you showed Poe both before his transformation and after, the steampunk aspect felt believable within the story, and there was a strong sense of pathos in the description of how Poe was altered by the Lord both physically and mentally.

For suggestions on how to improve it or what to add, there really isn't much I can say. ^^ There are a few minor typos and misspellings here and there (for instance 'passerbies' should be 'passers-by'), but they aren't particularly noticeable. I'd suggest maybe more on Poe himself, his personality and actions, how he responds to events, that sort of thing, just to try to show inside his head a little more, but what you've already got is wonderful, too. :3

[mirage.]

Thanks Atwood! <3
I think the problem of my form (apart from the typos. Dx) is that, as you said,I don't really include much about his personality. It's more on his story. Ah well, I didn't have time to finish it so I'm not sure if I'll get him or not. Lihmeth (his donator) really liked the story though so perhaps I have a chance. :3

[starcrusher]

This is a critique for Azora!
Who the critique is for: Azora's Avaydian application.
What you had to say about it: First, to point out a few typos/misspellings: "Inclosed" in paragraph 1 (or 2, since there is a one-line skip between them) should be spelled "enclosed". And there is a typo in paragraph 5 (or 6, depending on how you look at the line skips), "mintues" should be "minutes."
Other than that, very, very good. Beautiful, although a little lengthy on description for the first few paragraphs. It really makes the world around Triniun seem lovely and pristine. I don't have much critique other than that; really good job. Are there other forms for the same design?

And:
I would like some critique please!
Username: Tris
Link to your form: Click. It might also help to read this so you know who and what Zevriel and Sarah are.
Adoption Agency you are applying for: The Agency.
Deadline for your form: ...Whenever the next code drop is. I don't know. Probably a couple of days. XD
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? You can post it here; I don't care. XD

[Benedict]

Great idea :3 I'll be coming often X3

[starcrusher]

Bump. :3