The Critique Cafe- Need Active Critics!

[Warburton]

I would like some critique please!
Username: DarkAngel52
Link to your form: http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=53904&start=2700
Near the bottom of the page ^^
Adoption Agency you are applying for : Tough as Nails
Deadline to your form : I've been told Monday ^^
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Just tell here ^^

I really want that character so...all critique is VERY welcome!

[Nawee]

I would like some critique please!
Username: Nawee
Link to your form: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=99202&p=3470909#p3470909
Adoption Agency you are applying for: The Agency
Deadline for your form: I don't know, in one or two days.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Here

[Atwood]

This is a critique for Tris!
Who the critique is for: Tris's Agency application for Shivra
What you had to say about it:
Very interesting story and excellently written, both technically and style-wise. ^^ Zev's grammar was fractured but still easy to follow, and I liked that his grammatical errors were fairly consistent throughout his story as opposed to just randomly mixed up to sound 'foreign'. The story itself was very sweet and engaging, and I could really picture the scene in my mind as I was reading it and see Zev's confusion and wonder at the unusual encounter. It's a little difficult to pick out Shivra's personality, and I didn't feel as much of a connection with her as with Zev, so I'd suggest maybe adding a little more to her interactions with Zev to show her personality more, since as it is she seems to go from one emotion to another very rapidly (though maybe that's what she's like) with nothing in between. Maybe a couple of things like how she reacts when he puts the leaves in her hair would smooth the transition a bit? Apart from that, I loved the form and was definitely rooting for them to find each other again by the end of it. :3

[starcrusher]

Awesome, thank you! That's a good idea; I was planning to add a bit of back story for her anyway since I have some ideas in mind, and maybe they'll come out some more if I write it. I'll definitely keep working on my form. Your input is very helpful. <3

[Moondancer]

bookmarking

[bearlygrunge]

Oh, yay! This is great! Thanks for making this a topic Applefiend. :]

[azalea]

I would like some critique please! yes i would! x3
Username: azalea
Link to your form: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=53904&start=2690 (eighth post)
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Tough as Nails
Deadline for your form: Monday
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Whatever's more convenient for you.

fyi, it's about 85% percent done so if you have any suggestions for an ending, I'd love to hear it C:

EDIT: finally finished it Cx

[babyfroggi]

Marking, I will most likely use this in the future :3

[kitten5862]

bookmarking

[Meadow]

You are my hero.