The Pianist~ critics wanted!^^

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The Pianist~ critics wanted!^^

Postby nivans.piers » Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:56 pm

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Image

Rylie knew every scale on her instrument better than the back of her hand. She new the difference between every octave, and how to merge the tunes of two different songs. She was beyond good, but he was better. His fingers hit the keys with a grace she had to strive for. His ear for the instrument's beautiful voice was natural, her's was trained. He was perfect at the piano. She was still learned. He was a prodigy. She was getting there.
But they played for different reasons.
His life has been everything but happy. Everything has gone wrong, and he doesn't feel for anything outside the world of his piano. Rylie is involved in everything and anything that would match well with her reputation.
Behind the jealousy of his ease with the piano, is a feeling she's never felt before, and she can't identify it. She yearned to know him. To lead him in a beautiful world.
except he's afraid of human contact.
Follow Rylie and Max, as Rylie learns how to embrace her kind nature, and strive to lead Max into a world much different from the world he use to know.
Last edited by nivans.piers on Mon Jan 07, 2013 8:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image
Image
" I did it for the B S A A... for the f u t u r e "
-piers nivans



"H a r d to find a good s t e a k around here.
Not like b a c k h o m e "
-piers nivans



" I... I don't think I'm r e a d y for that "
-piers nivans



" I'm the best d r i v e r the B S A A got! "
-piers nivans



" If you hadn't been blinded by
v e n g e a n c e, we could have prevented
some of those d e a t h s "
-piers nivans





to P I E R S N I V A N S, the t r u e h e r o
of the B S A A.
I'M OPEN TO ALL PIERS NIVANS, JAKE
MULLER/SHERRY BIRKEN, PEIRS/CHRIS,
PIERS/OTHERCHARACTER RPs.
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Fan Comments

Postby nivans.piers » Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:57 pm

None, yet!
Image
Image
" I did it for the B S A A... for the f u t u r e "
-piers nivans



"H a r d to find a good s t e a k around here.
Not like b a c k h o m e "
-piers nivans



" I... I don't think I'm r e a d y for that "
-piers nivans



" I'm the best d r i v e r the B S A A got! "
-piers nivans



" If you hadn't been blinded by
v e n g e a n c e, we could have prevented
some of those d e a t h s "
-piers nivans





to P I E R S N I V A N S, the t r u e h e r o
of the B S A A.
I'M OPEN TO ALL PIERS NIVANS, JAKE
MULLER/SHERRY BIRKEN, PEIRS/CHRIS,
PIERS/OTHERCHARACTER RPs.
User avatar
nivans.piers
 
Posts: 25946
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Characters

Postby nivans.piers » Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:13 pm

Image

Meet Max Nelcome Butler. He's 17 years old, and is classified as a male. He has medium length blonde hair, and slightly tanned skin. He is 6'2, and is well built for someone of his age. he has a slimmer face, complimented by a medium sized nose and nicely shaped lips. He has slimmer eyebrows, and a mesmerizing blue eye color.



Image

Meet Rylie, the most popular student in Ravlin High. She's 16 years old and is a straight Female. She has brown hair with an overdose of Blonde highlights. She has tanned skin, and is 5'8. She has beautiful features, a slim nose with a good bridge, full, but not overdone, lips of a slightly pink color. Wide, innocent eyes holding a nearly emerald green color, topped off by a sea of flowing blonde hair. She also has slimmer eyebrows, with a slight arch to match the rest of her well balanced face.







Image
This is where i'll post songs i've listened to while writing. The majority of them will most likely be piano songs. Also, suggestions for songs you think i should listen to that remind you of one of the characters, or of the story in some way, shape, or form please tell me! i love to hear suggestions!^^


Last edited by nivans.piers on Mon Jan 07, 2013 1:32 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Image
Image
" I did it for the B S A A... for the f u t u r e "
-piers nivans



"H a r d to find a good s t e a k around here.
Not like b a c k h o m e "
-piers nivans



" I... I don't think I'm r e a d y for that "
-piers nivans



" I'm the best d r i v e r the B S A A got! "
-piers nivans



" If you hadn't been blinded by
v e n g e a n c e, we could have prevented
some of those d e a t h s "
-piers nivans





to P I E R S N I V A N S, the t r u e h e r o
of the B S A A.
I'M OPEN TO ALL PIERS NIVANS, JAKE
MULLER/SHERRY BIRKEN, PEIRS/CHRIS,
PIERS/OTHERCHARACTER RPs.
User avatar
nivans.piers
 
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Re: The Pianist~ no posting yet WIP!

Postby nivans.piers » Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:29 pm

Image

The pristine white of the keys, contradicting the empty blackness of the secondary keys. The smooth, glossy surface of the piano's outer covering. The crisp, forest like smell of the wood working behind the keys.
I was aware of it all.
I barely watched my fingers as they danced across the leathery keys. My black sweater hugged me, covering the essential parts as needed for a concert. I wore black flats, to compliment my sweater. A maroon colored dress wrapped around me, showing off my figure. I smiled, showing off a set of perfectly straight, white teeth. I glanced out at my audience, and smiled brightly. I didn't even have to watch as i played a beautiful sonata. I could see small red dots throughout the auditorium, signally my performance was worth watching again.
My fingers fumbled, my index finger skipping to the wrong key. It sounded good, but i could tell it was a mistake. It wasn't a commonly played Sonata, so it wasn't easily noticed by the audience. But it ate at the back of my mind, a mistake, i made a mistake! I couldn't let it go. Soon, my pinky hit a black key instead of a white key. Again, it didn't sound off, but I could tell. I smiled at the audience again, to ease the nervous feeling growing deep inside my stomach.
I finished my performance with only those two mistakes to eat at me. They did. It dug a deep hole in the back of my mind, a voice from down inside the hole yelling at me, you failed! you made two mistakes! it wasn't perfect!
My friends, and the other band members, congratulated me, and said things like, ' it was amazing!' and, ' absolutely perfect!'
The next pianist went on, and played the piece perfectly.
I sighed, " yeah, it was." She smiled, " thank you!"
Image
Image
" I did it for the B S A A... for the f u t u r e "
-piers nivans



"H a r d to find a good s t e a k around here.
Not like b a c k h o m e "
-piers nivans



" I... I don't think I'm r e a d y for that "
-piers nivans



" I'm the best d r i v e r the B S A A got! "
-piers nivans



" If you hadn't been blinded by
v e n g e a n c e, we could have prevented
some of those d e a t h s "
-piers nivans





to P I E R S N I V A N S, the t r u e h e r o
of the B S A A.
I'M OPEN TO ALL PIERS NIVANS, JAKE
MULLER/SHERRY BIRKEN, PEIRS/CHRIS,
PIERS/OTHERCHARACTER RPs.
User avatar
nivans.piers
 
Posts: 25946
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:52 am
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Re: The Pianist~ no posting yet WIP!

Postby nivans.piers » Sun Jan 06, 2013 6:19 pm

Image

My arms stuck out before me, my fingers laced together. Pop! Crack! I smiled, after cracking my fingers. I picked up my pencil, entwining my fingers around the thin, painted wood.
The music test was never hard, but it was intimidating. The questions were long, and well thought out. The words were complex, and the punctuation was thick, to add indication. In the end though, the answers were always short and simple.
I had token this test 2 times before.
I knew that there was exactly 20 questions, and 2 bonus questions. No more no less. Every year there was different questions, or the same questions just reworded more complexly. A nervous sigh escaped my lips. Thoughts streamed like banners threw my mind, ' i can't do this. they're harder questions this year! what? Is that even a word? focus!'
I bit my lip, in attempt to redraw my focus to the Test. I read the question to myself, ' what, are, the number of, octaves, in grand piano, that is missing, precisely, 13 keys, and the wood, is only plywood. How many keys would be left?'
I shook my head, and wrote down the answer. I skipped all the questions that had nothing to do with pianos. after i did the piano related questions, i moved on to the others, finishing with the bonus.

After 1 hour of straight thinking, writing, and unsteady focus, i had finally turned my test in. First in the class to do so. Just as planned. I smiled, and took my seat, brushing my hands against my skinny jeans. I looked up in time to see a rather handsome blonde boy turn his test in. I raised a brow. I hadn't seen him before, which meant he was a knew student.
My best friend, Amanda, nudged me softly, " He's cute, huh?" She giggled softly.
I smiled, " Dibs."
She frowned, " ah ah ah... i saw him first."
I shook my head, " and i called dibs... he's mine."
She shrugged, " whatever. Brad, the quarterback, is crawling over me. i guess i can take him."
I had to hold back a laugh, " Brad? alright, and thank you for giving up easily."
She smiled, " what are friends for... and you had dibs."
I choked back another laugh, " Once more, thank you."
She nodded, and got back to her barely finished test. While she worked, my glance wandered back over to the boy. He had caught my eye, i'll admit it. I leaned back in my chair, to get a better view of him. He had evenly set features, a slim nose, correctly placed cheekbones, and not to thick, yet not to thin eyebrows. He was very handsome, and someone worth being admired. I wondered if he would talk to me, if i talked to him first. I shrugged, it was worth a shot.
Once class got out, i walked over to him, " You're the new kid, right?" I smiled, and raised a brow.
His glanced shot towards me, and he gave a nod, " that's correct."
I leaned against the lockers, " I'm Rylie DeAnder."
He raised a brow, " Max."
I gave a nod, " Nice to meet you Max... what instrument do you play?"
He turned back to his locker, " Piano. Who said you could ask this many questions?"
I smirked, " cool. no one did. and i play the piano too."
He gave a nod, " fascinating." he said, sarcastically.
I thought a second, pondering the reasons he could be in such a mood, or why his personality was so sour. Instead, i resorted to smiling, " I know, right? still.. why do you play?"
He shrugged, " why not?"
I looked around, " Well, i guess that's a reason."
He looked back over to me, " and why do you play?"
I smiled, " I've always loved playing the piano. It's like... a whole nether world for me."
I gave a nod, " how wonderful."
I put my hands up in defense, " You asked."
he nodded, " true." He raised a brow, " can i help you?"
I smiled, " maybe... nah, not really. I just wanted to say hi."
He looked at me, a bit confused, " alright well... hi."
" Hi." i offered, in return.
Amanda beckoned me to follow her, so i waved to Max, " Later."
He raised a brow, " Bye."
At that, i turned, and jogged over to meet Amanda, and grinned, " I got to talk to him."
She pushed me slightly, and smiled, " I noticed! how amazing are you?"
I did a small hair flip, as we started walking down the hall together, " I'm to amazing. But i'm okay with it."
We both laughed, and walked out of the building together. Band was the last class of the day, thank fully. any other class after Band would have bored me.
We went our separate ways, waving goodbye. I unlocked my maroon toned convertible, the hood rolled up. I slid in, and started the vehicle. Once the soft purr of the motor started, i curled my fingers around the cold rubber wheel. My car was already set in reverse, as i had done so earlier so i wouldn't have to shift it after school. I moved back out of my parking space, and turned the car into drive, and drove onto the road, heading towards home.
As i drove, my thoughts were distracted. I couldn't get that boy off my mind. Max. I liked the sound of his name, the looks of his body, the perfection in his face. I adored his sarcastic and dark personality, the slight wave in his blonde hair. I melted when i looked into his beautiful eyes. It was the first time one boy had every made me think all these things.
As i was driving, i laughed, hysterically. The only reason i liked him so much was because he was really hot, and i needed to impress my friends. If i was going to get him, i had to make myself think that i enjoyed every aspect of him, and of course later i would do something about that sour personality. That poor pup needs a tune up.



WIP^^
Last edited by nivans.piers on Tue Mar 12, 2013 4:53 am, edited 8 times in total.
Image
Image
" I did it for the B S A A... for the f u t u r e "
-piers nivans



"H a r d to find a good s t e a k around here.
Not like b a c k h o m e "
-piers nivans



" I... I don't think I'm r e a d y for that "
-piers nivans



" I'm the best d r i v e r the B S A A got! "
-piers nivans



" If you hadn't been blinded by
v e n g e a n c e, we could have prevented
some of those d e a t h s "
-piers nivans





to P I E R S N I V A N S, the t r u e h e r o
of the B S A A.
I'M OPEN TO ALL PIERS NIVANS, JAKE
MULLER/SHERRY BIRKEN, PEIRS/CHRIS,
PIERS/OTHERCHARACTER RPs.
User avatar
nivans.piers
 
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Re: The Pianist~ critics wanted!^^

Postby nivans.piers » Mon Jan 07, 2013 8:26 am

okay, now you can post comments!^^
Image
Image
" I did it for the B S A A... for the f u t u r e "
-piers nivans



"H a r d to find a good s t e a k around here.
Not like b a c k h o m e "
-piers nivans



" I... I don't think I'm r e a d y for that "
-piers nivans



" I'm the best d r i v e r the B S A A got! "
-piers nivans



" If you hadn't been blinded by
v e n g e a n c e, we could have prevented
some of those d e a t h s "
-piers nivans





to P I E R S N I V A N S, the t r u e h e r o
of the B S A A.
I'M OPEN TO ALL PIERS NIVANS, JAKE
MULLER/SHERRY BIRKEN, PEIRS/CHRIS,
PIERS/OTHERCHARACTER RPs.
User avatar
nivans.piers
 
Posts: 25946
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:52 am
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Re: The Pianist~ critics wanted!^^

Postby leaving soon » Mon Jan 07, 2013 8:47 am

Likey like. Bookmarking! Love the prologue and the intro! Good work!
[b]Quitting this account. b]
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Re: The Pianist~ critics wanted!^^

Postby nivans.piers » Mon Jan 07, 2013 9:33 am

Thank you!^^ i'm glad you like it. I'm in the process of deciding the beginning of chapter 1.
Image
Image
" I did it for the B S A A... for the f u t u r e "
-piers nivans



"H a r d to find a good s t e a k around here.
Not like b a c k h o m e "
-piers nivans



" I... I don't think I'm r e a d y for that "
-piers nivans



" I'm the best d r i v e r the B S A A got! "
-piers nivans



" If you hadn't been blinded by
v e n g e a n c e, we could have prevented
some of those d e a t h s "
-piers nivans





to P I E R S N I V A N S, the t r u e h e r o
of the B S A A.
I'M OPEN TO ALL PIERS NIVANS, JAKE
MULLER/SHERRY BIRKEN, PEIRS/CHRIS,
PIERS/OTHERCHARACTER RPs.
User avatar
nivans.piers
 
Posts: 25946
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:52 am
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Re: The Pianist~ critics wanted!^^

Postby kiodi » Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:18 am

I love the story, and was utterly captivated for a while, but using the word 'perfect' in describing your characters as the author is generally frowned upon, though it's completely acceptable for the characters to say. One of the big reasons behind this is that perfect is a matter of opinion when it comes to things like a person's features, and if you want to paint a decent picture of your character's face, you have to get into things like the thickness of their brows, the height of their cheekbones, the fullness of their lips... things like that.
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Re: The Pianist~ critics wanted!^^

Postby nivans.piers » Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:54 am

ah, i see. i did, and still do, feel bad about using the word perfect to describe them, but being in a rush (and sadly was on an ipod at the time) i just wrote what came to mind as quick as possible. I do intend on going back and fixing that. Thank you! i do really appreciate the critic! :D
Image
Image
" I did it for the B S A A... for the f u t u r e "
-piers nivans



"H a r d to find a good s t e a k around here.
Not like b a c k h o m e "
-piers nivans



" I... I don't think I'm r e a d y for that "
-piers nivans



" I'm the best d r i v e r the B S A A got! "
-piers nivans



" If you hadn't been blinded by
v e n g e a n c e, we could have prevented
some of those d e a t h s "
-piers nivans





to P I E R S N I V A N S, the t r u e h e r o
of the B S A A.
I'M OPEN TO ALL PIERS NIVANS, JAKE
MULLER/SHERRY BIRKEN, PEIRS/CHRIS,
PIERS/OTHERCHARACTER RPs.
User avatar
nivans.piers
 
Posts: 25946
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:52 am
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