How the polar bear turned white...♥

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How the polar bear turned white...♥

Postby Loudest Silence » Fri Mar 08, 2013 11:45 am

"Ello loves, well, in English class we had to come up with a myth of how something happened and I chose this. I hope you like it, comments are welcome.


How the Polar Bear turned white.
In the place called the wondrous woods, a black bear was roaming around, quite belligerent, as most bears usually are. He had been in a fight with the grizzly bear on the other side of the Wondrous woods, and many of the curious animals had come and stuck their snouts into the fight, the chipmunks and squirrels had even take bets for acorns! The grizzly bear had won paws down (much to the chipmunks delight) and had sent the black bear into misery. The grizzly’s razor sharp claws, glinting like stainless steel in the sunlight, had torn a nasty gash in the black bear’s right shoulder, halfway down his leg. The possums had mocked the poor black bear relentlessly, so he had started trudging home, blood oozing from the wound, drying on his matted fur. He prodded along at a slow pace, limping slightly from his injury.
“I wish I had won that stupid fight.” He grumbled to himself, “In fact, I wish I had never taken place in it at all.” He stated. All of a sudden, he came to a mighty river. He stopped right in front of it and watched as the water rushed by him.
“It looks like the current is awfully strong.” He mumbled. The wounded bear had just decided to turn back when the edge of the riverbank crumbled from beneath his giant paws and sent him toppling into the icy cold river. The river tugged him and pushed him along with so much ferocity that even his strong legs could not carry him back up to the surface. He fought with all he had in him, digging his paws into the river bottom, the rocks scraping against the sensitive underside of his claws. He came to a slower spot in the river and broke the surface, dragging himself out of the seemingly angry waters and collapsing onto the rocky dirt. He stared at the few blades of grass next to his snout before closing his eyes and falling asleep.
When the bear awoke again, day was fading. The sky was turning a deep purple, staining into the lighter pink area, the very top sprinkled with stars like diamonds on a lady’s skirt. He hauled himself up and looked around, trying to recompose himself. He looked down at the river, the water rushing by so fast that it seemed almost white. He was about to carry on back home when he noticed that the pulsing throbbing pain in his shoulder was completely gone. He looked down to the spot where the wound had been and gasped. He was white. As white as the purest snow. He spun around in a confused circle before reaching up to scratch his immensely large head with a single claw. White. Black to white, to be exact. He did not know exactly what to make of the whole situation, so he rushed back over to the river. White. There was only one possible solution; the white water river had turned him completely white as well. He let out a chuckle and then a beastly roar of laughter, only one thought filled his mind:

It was a good color on him.
Image


“Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be.

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Bravery is one of the most important things to me. It has been for quite a long time now. I always believed that if people were not brave then nothing would be done to make the world the place that it is. Think about that for a nanosecond. Courage and bravery are what shaped the society. If people had not been brave enough to step out on a limb, then we would have no heroes. No police men. No firefighters. No soldiers. Nothing. We would be a world without hope. And when there is nothing to hope for then what is there? So be brave. Please, please, please, don't tuck yourself away in a dusty cob-webbed corner and sit on a three-legged stool staring out your window and fantasizing about the things you could do. Do them. Be courageous, be bold, be brave.
→Love,
Loudest silence.
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Re: How the polar bear turned white...♥

Postby not zinnia » Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:07 pm

Very nicely written, and an even more interesting prompt! I love everything about your style and the way you describe things, especially the transformation. Again, wonderful, wonderful job! There were only a couple of technical things wrong with it, such as the fact that he has 'sensitive' paws[he's a bear, bears don't have sensitive pads -- at least, I'd hope not] and the dialogue.
For example,
"It looks like the current is awfully strong.” He mumbled.
Would turn into:
"It looks like the current is awfully strong," he mumbled.

Only put a period if you're describing an action immediately after. Otherwise, stick with commas, c: One sentence was bugging me enough to single it out in particular:
The wounded bear had just decided to turn back when the edge of the riverbank crumbled from beneath his giant paws and sent him toppling into the icy cold river.
It's a bit awkward to me. I'd suggest changing it to something along the lines of, 'The wounded bear had just turned back around, but the earth beneath his giant paws crumbled, sending him toppling into the icy cold water.'
Also, one last thing -- action scenes work a lot better with shorter sentences. It makes for a much better effect, like things are happening quicker. Keep that in mind for next time, and keep on writing~
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Re: How the polar bear turned white...♥

Postby Loudest Silence » Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:08 am

{Thank you so much! Yeah, my punctuation is horrific and my grammer isn't the best either, but I will work on it in future c:
Image


“Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be.

Image

Bravery is one of the most important things to me. It has been for quite a long time now. I always believed that if people were not brave then nothing would be done to make the world the place that it is. Think about that for a nanosecond. Courage and bravery are what shaped the society. If people had not been brave enough to step out on a limb, then we would have no heroes. No police men. No firefighters. No soldiers. Nothing. We would be a world without hope. And when there is nothing to hope for then what is there? So be brave. Please, please, please, don't tuck yourself away in a dusty cob-webbed corner and sit on a three-legged stool staring out your window and fantasizing about the things you could do. Do them. Be courageous, be bold, be brave.
→Love,
Loudest silence.
{Reader, writer, orator.}
User avatar
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Posts: 4264
Joined: Sun May 06, 2012 7:07 am
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