My short story. Would love critique.

[Small Child]

Yep, title says all.

A dip into a murky lake is like a dip into one’s own mind. Whether it be a refreshing chill found there, or a sludge filled mass, each is different, each is to their own. So, what if the lake were clear, tranquil, no current? What then? What would that signify to the person’s mind?
A separation from reality? A lost grip on society’s values? Or a total detachment to all but a few things? The only way to know whether a person’s lake is stormy, clear, or foggy is to look into their eyes. Eyes have been said to be the gateway into one’s own soul, and that, dear reader, is the truth. So what is it when blank, innocent eyes stare back at you?
Is it stupidity, ignorance, retard? Or is it perfection? I’d like to believe the latter, because that is what I found in her. That small child. That quivering pale girl in a street alley, her eyes fixed on something that I could not see. Pale blue lips trembling in the snow’s cold vice. Her eyes were as crisp, and clear and new as the snow, although darker in their hues. She was untainted by the darkened sky that forced others to scurry about the streets to find shelter. She alone remained dormant on that concrete slick, her knees loose against her chest, her thin arms wrapped frailly over them, fingers trembling.
She was unfazed by the damp bleeding through her rags, biting at her skin from the snow. Her toes were enclosed in leather sandals, torn and shredded from overuse. Her hands were swathed in what appeared to be gloves too small, the finger tips having previously been pulled off.
I stole a glance as I walked by, to see her ebony hair resting in waves against her emaciated shoulders, her lashes thick and long, and her lips pastel, but full. For a brief moment I wondered if she had perished to the winter, but her eyes sparked with dark light. I threw a faint smile her way, and continued onward. But something tugged at me, just a little tug, and I turned back.
Her hazel eyes burned into mine, yet I found no emotion concealed within. They just tore at my own pupils, without reflecting so much as to what she was thinking. She didn’t appear to be thinking at all, not a wonder.
I shot a look at the sky to find that, though it was low and dark, it didn’t seem to be ready to open up and give way to the rain. I would have time to part with the girl, before I was doused by the icy downpour. I turned my body to her, and felt a pang on my ankles from the snow drifts, but pressed on, making my way slowly towards her. I felt as though I was advancing on a wild animal, afraid it would flee upon close encounter. But her eyes kept on me, her body not tensing, nor relaxing.
I crouched a ways away from her form, smiling. Her eyes remained fused to my face and I chanced a whispered message. “Hello…”
Still not a reflection of emotion, or recognition passed her features. I looked down, biting my lip, and shifted my position on my ankles, one becoming numb from cold. I came closer still, and not a movement occurred. Reaching out, I held my hand towards her, so that she may take it. Finally, a spark of knowledge crossed her golden-brown eyes, and her expression turned to face me. I smiled, and she raised her pale hand to me, reaching. I gasped as it fell through my own, a chill running up my arm. She was not a lost child. She was a ghost.

[WazzinGator]

Wow.
This is phenomenal. I could read your writing for hours straight.
I'm sorry I can't provide any crit, I am not qualified and I see no flaws.

[Small Child]

o///o Really? Thanks! I feel all fuzzy inside now... Gosh, I hope it wasn't the chicken.

[WazzinGator]

Haha, yes, I am being completely honest. c: I'm glad I stumbled upon this for both of us.

[Charias]

This is absolutely... astounding. You have a lot of skill; this piece is so, so beautiful and descriptive. Amazing. Truely amazing.

[Small Child]

Aw, thank you! Wow, you guys make me feel awesome.

[ToxicWolf101]

i like it! is it a true story?

[Small Child]

Maybe... x3

[Weeping_Angel }Y{]

I wish I could write like this. its really good, better than anything I could have come up with

[Small Child]

I feel special. I've been writing for about two years. This is just one of the many stories I have. I might be posting my Twilight fanfic soon, if anyone's interested.
Dolphin, you keep working, and you'll be great, trust me.