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Dear Morgan,
Sometimes, I wish you would just tell me what you're thinking. I love you. I could swear you love me, too. But I've never asked; you've never said. I want to, trust me. It's just one of those things you don't randomly ask. But today during lunch, you were talking about the stupid Valentine's dance. I never go to those stupid dances. It's dark and hot and jam packed with people I don't even know getting way closer than I want them to. Anyways, you were teasing Hayden. I don't even know him that well, but he eats lunch with us because you know him. You said to Hayden, "At the dance, you should ask Kali to dance with you. I'm sure she'd do it if you asked." You know I don't like Hayden very much, but you gave me that sweet look and a smile that melted my heart, so I couldn't get mad. Hayden raised one eyebrow and said, "No." Very firmly. I don't think he likes me very much either, but it's not like I care. I laughed and called you an idiot. And immediately felt bad. I'm the person who will say something mean and totally mean it, then regret it five seconds later. I'm such a loser like that. I didn't apologize, mainly because I know you don't mind. Instantly, my mind turned to "Embarrass Morgan" mode, and I said, "Would you ask me to dance?" You laughed like you were nervous. "You don't go to dances," you said after a long pause. I rolled my eyes. "Well if I did, would you ask me?" You stood up and shouldered your backpack and grabbed your tray. I got up, too, tossing my backpack over my shoulder. I didn't say anything, just followed behind you. Finally, you stopped and turned around. "Yes, I would, Kali. I love you," you said, smiling, and then you were gone. I froze. Not because you said I love you, but because you said yes. We always say I love you to each other. It's our way of letting each other know that we're okay. But to say yes to an invitation to dance? The day I met you, I said "Morgan, you're my best friend," and it was settled. We were inseparable from then on. But around school, I have a reputation of being boy-crazy. And a stalker. So the day I met you, I said "I do not like you. I will not. You are my friend, and only my friend. Promise me you will never try to make me become romantically involved with you." The next day, I came to school with a list and a typed contract. The list was of everything I never wanted you to do to make me become romantically engaged with you. The contract made you promise never to engage me in one of these activities. The first thing on the list was dancing. So when you said you would dance with me, my world fell apart a little, because you broke our best friend rules. I love you, Morgan. I think I always have. I wish things were different. You're not a bad guy, but for once in my life, I want to be able to get close to a guy without my feelings screwing everything up.
Love ya, Kali
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One thing you learn in high school is that love is not easy. You also learn that high school is a place full of love, heartbreak, despair, longing, and stalking. I learned that all firsthand. Do you know how that happened? I fell in love. A lot. Let's just say that I keep a list in my backpack. I'm at thirty nine right now. Isn't that so great? I know. Basically, what I'm saying is that I want to tell you all of it. Every last bit. Everything. I will start with number one on my list and work my way down to number thirty nine. You will learn everything about me. I will tell it all to you. I need to start with the beginning first, before I came to high school.
The end of junior high, in ninth grade, I was a trouble seeker. I was part of almost every group in the school. I could be popular, I could be goth, I could be anything I wanted to and no one cared. I was special like that. Well, two weeks before school let out, I got called down to the counselor's office. Now, let me tell you, the counselor's office is not a pretty place. It smells like jellybeans, but not the good kinds, like the cherry and the blueberry and whatever other jellybeans that taste good. It smelled like the weird ones that no on ever eats, like the coffee and the banana ones. Those kind. Now that you know what it smells like, the rest will be relatively easy.
There's a circle shaped desk that is in the center of the office. It wraps all the way around, and there's space in the middle for chairs and whatever else secretaries keep with them. There's a big glass door right in front of the desk, which is the entryway. Surrounding the desk are five doors. The one straight back is the principal's office. I've never been in there, but some people say that he keeps a huge dish of jellybeans on his desk, and that's why the whole office smells weird. One either side of the main desk there are two doors. The two on the right are for the first two counselors, Mr. Sadan and Ms. Johnson. I don't know either of them, because my counselor is on the left side of the office.
