Winter Moon (short story. comments/critique appreciated! :3)

[.jabberwocky]

Flakes of snow drifted silently to earth, curling on puffs of icy wind. Bare tree limbs shuddered and cracked. Snow muffled the world like ash, and as the woman’s body shook with tears no sound came. She lowered her hands from her wet eyes, fingers bent like frozen twigs. Her lungs ached with every trembling breath. The coldness of the snow bled through to her skin where she knelt, freezing the coarse fabric of her skirt to her leg. She lifted her gaze. Looking straight up into the slow, gentle snowfall, it almost felt like she was lifting up into the endless, inky black sky.

As if she could ever escape what she’d done. What she was.

Eternity and loneliness clasped her heart between frozen palms and a sob of anguish squeezed from her chest. A single tear slipped, merging with the trickles of melted snow on her white skin.

Soft snow crunched under footfalls. She turned her head toward the sound, loosening her hunched figure. A silhouette approached her through the gently falling white. It was a man, wrapped in bulky winter clothes and carrying an enormous load. A traveler. His footsteps thumped in the muffled powder. She stumbled to her feet, staring with wild, terrified eyes, like that of a cornered rabbit. She would flee, melt into the darkness like another shadow before he saw her. But the man’s step faltered. She watched him; his gait was labored like that of a cripple. He placed forward a weak step that wobbled under his weight and the traveler collapsed heavily into the snow, his bag rolling beside him.

Everything was still again. The woman stood frozen, hair rustling weakly in the icy wind. The traveler lay unmoving in the ice. Puffs of snow sank quietly through the air.

The ice nymph sprinted to him, as silently as if she was stepping on water. She sunk to her knees by the stranger and frantically looked him up and down. Was he sick? Was he dead? Quickly she placed two fingers to the crevice of his neck. Warm pulse throbbed underneath the skin.

She choked on a breath. The world spun. She’d touched him. She’d touched him.
It was all over now.

He was dying.

Their eyes met. His skin was chalky pale, and his lips tinted blue as though kissed by death. His breaths were shallow through lungs as papery as moth wings. He looked into her. Kindness and warmth were there in the deep brown. They said, “I forgive you.” Tears dripped down her frozen cheeks and her breaths trembled.

She was so selfish. So selfish to look at him. But his eyes were a kaleidoscope of amber and gold and deep chocolate, spun together and bleeding into each other. And they were so beautiful.

"Stay with me,” she choked out. “Stay with me forever.”

He lifted his hand and softly cupped her cheek in his icy palm. She clutched his fingers in her small hand and her tears slipped silently into the snow. The ghost of a smile flickered across his lips like candle flame. He said nothing. But in his smile she saw something she’d never seen before, something wonderful. He didn’t just look at her. He saw her. He saw straight into her soul.
She loved him.

“You’re the one I’ve waited for,” she sobbed, clutching his hand tighter in hers as if she was afraid it would dissolve into nothing, cease to be real. She slid her hand over his forehead, icy with sweat, and brushed his thick, dark hair aside; she craned down and pressed her lips in the softest of kisses on his forehead, like the touch of wings.

Frost etched up his skin like cobwebs, crackling with cold. Slowly his eyes iced over and became glass, cold and lifeless as marbles. She knelt over his chest, clutching him, rocking the heavy body like a child, and cried from her heart, tears dripping on his clothes as she smothered her face into his damp jacket. Her keening wail arched into the darkness, so deep and so real as to break the soul of anyone who heard. But she was alone in the forest that night. Her tears burned her lungs like smoke. Her eyes pleaded with the sky.

He died softly underneath the winter moon.

[Leafy_Kat]

OMIGOSH THAT WAS SAD but beautyful at the same time^^

[.jabberwocky]

ERRMAHGERD. Thanks so much! :'3 *creys happy tears*

[.jabberwocky]

*casually whistles completely casually*
*casually bumps thread*
*casually strolls casually away*

[SilverBlade]

Wow, that's great! *_* I like the plot, the idea of a person that kills with a touch. I also like the way you write. Beautiful and touching. c': Nice job! :3

[mysticninja15]

Holy shmow!!!! that was sad but awesome!!! you're an amazing writer!!
~MysticNinja15

[SejiYume]

I like it a lot Jabberwocky! It's really beautiful and interesting.
I have to submit a piece of writing for an application I'm sending to a writing camp soon, and I still have no idea what to do. I should probably get on that. >.< You got a lot of emotion out in a short space, that impressed me.

[.jabberwocky]

Wow, that's great! *_* I like the plot, the idea of a person that kills with a touch. I also like the way you write. Beautiful and touching. c': Nice job! :3

Thanks so much!! :'D

Holy shmow!!!! that was sad but awesome!!! you're an amazing writer!! :) :)
~MysticNinja15

THANK YOU!!! :D

I like it a lot Jabberwocky! It's really beautiful and interesting. :)
I have to submit a piece of writing for an application I'm sending to a writing camp soon, and I still have no idea what to do. I should probably get on that. >.< You got a lot of emotion out in a short space, that impressed me.

'Fanks! :D I'm very happy that the emotion got across.
As far as your application goes, chop-chop! Get to work! *scoots off CS helpfully* XD

Seriously, thanks for all the feedback, guys. It maketh meh very happy and fuzzy-feeling.

[kimmy1479]

HOLY CRAP JABBER WHYYYY!?!?!

Oh my gosh I'm dying.

WHY DOES SHE KILL EVERYONE SHE TOUCHES?!

HOW COULD HER LOVE JUST DIE LIKE THAT?!

ARE THERE NO ICE NYMPHS LIKE HER TO LOVE?

THIS BETTER JUST BE THE PROLOGUE TO A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING!

[mysticninja15]

you welcome
~Mysticninja15