★ мγ ρσємѕ; by Obscure {crits/comments wanted!} ★

[obscure.]

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My Poems

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During my spare time, I enjoy writing poems and stories, so I thought I might as well share some of my work with the CS community. Displayed on this thread are some of my poems; I often strive to make them rhyme, but sometimes they do not, so the type of poem is varied. But before I share some of my poems, I would like to say one thing:


Under no circumstances whatsoever are you allowed to steal these poems. I have worked hard to distribute the ideas into a poem, and it would be very disappointing for me to see them stolen. I hope that nobody will do this, but if they do, I will be contacting a moderator or someone like that. All the poems are © to me, Obscure.

Also, I do not want to see these poems on anyone else's thread, signatures, etc, even with all credits to me, without permission first. You can try to ask for permission, but seeing as they are my poems and I don't want them stolen at all, I will probably reject.


Okay, well, that's my mini-rant over with c: Now, onto the poems~ I hope you enjoy them, and feel free to comment/give constructive criticism. The only thing I don't want to see is you saying 'OMG these poems are horrible delete them now!!1!' If you think my poems are horrible, then I want some suggestions on how I can improve them, not useless comments like that C:

~Obscure

[writingrules]

I love it! That is really good. You're writing just captures the reader! AMAZING!

[obscure.]

I love it! That is really good. You're writing just captures the reader! AMAZING!

Thank you so much, it means a lot to me~

[obscure.]

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Halloween....

By Obscure


The air carries October's chill,
Soft, eerie winds stir the trees,
The night is silent, the stillness unbroken,
No stars offering their pallid light.



Who knows what awaits
When you turn a bend?
Who knows what lurks
In the shadows so deep...



When you hear a ghastly moaning,
Is it really just the wind?
Or is a trapped spirit, an illusion of what has been,
Crying its lament to be set free?



When you see the shadows move,
Is it really a trick of the light?
Or maybe, something might be hiding there,
Waiting with a baited breath to hunt.



When you feel that horrifying fear
Lancing up your spine,
When you feel that urge to turn,
And see what's standing behind...



This is the night of Halloween,
When the undead return to skulk around,
Be careful where you step,
For you may not know what's waiting there...

[obscure.]

Reserved...

[obscure.]

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The Wolf

By Obscure

Pawsteps soft, slow and steady,
Breath like white smoke on the air,
Fur a soft and pale grey,
An intelligent, amber stare.



Amber eyes which search the trees,
Ears which twitch at every sound,
Legs long and graceful, with nimble paws,
As the she-wolf breaks into a steady bound.



Her step do not falter, she knows the way too well,
She halts, and then raised her graceful head,
And emits an eerie, chilling wolf-howl,
Her thoughts as clear as if they had been said:



Why do you come and kill my kind?
Why do you interrupt the peace of the wild?
We never bothered you, yet you come anyway,
And murder both adult wolf and child.


No boundaries does your cruelty know,
So many questions I have to tell,
Yet I have no other voice to speak with,
Except this howl which you know so well


Even then you will not understand,
Will not listen to my desperate cries,
Why must you come and destroy us?
When you are twice our size?


When will you learn to stop?
When it is too late to make amends?
When these howls stop, never to be heard again,
When we will never again return to our dens?


Will you take time to listen, and reflect on your actions?
Will you decide to stop your destruction?
Will you please help us, before it's too late,
Will you halt your trail of disruption?

This poem is about endangering species and murdering them unnecessarily. Although I did intend to make this poem about all endangered species of animals, it focused too much on the wolf so, seeing as the 'speaker' was a wolf, I decided to make it just about wolves. Don't get me wrong, I do care about the other species too!

[obscure.]

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The Agony of Truth

By Obscure

Your eyes, like ice, expressionless and calm,
Defying the bitterness consuming you inside,
Your once-gentle face, now twisted in coldness,
Is this the result when two hearts collide?


Your words carry such meaning, such coldness,
It's funny, because they're only words,
Pieces of a language, our thoughts simply expressed,
So why do they split my heart into shattered thirds?



The harshness on your face, your glacial-cold eyes,
As you tell me that you don't want me to be around any more,
The bare truth, so ugly, so agonizing,
The truth which leaves my heart so sore.



The truth hurts like sharpened talons,
Like a lethal blow to the chest,
Like a thousand bullets straight in the head,
How did we manage to leave the rest?


Perhaps the darkness, black as night,
Will devour your mind whole,
Maybe the inward coldness, never to thaw,
Will freeze and encase your soul...


The truth has shattered my spirit, it's over one more time,
Perhaps these scars will never heal, perhaps they'll always be here,
I watch as you go, without looking back once,
As down my face drops the first agonized tear...


Not really sure if I like this one, seeing as it's not really my style of writing. Comments/crits would be appreciated on this one, I'd love to know what I can do to make it better!

[obscure.]

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The Unicorn

By Obscure

Hidden in the abyss of the silent night,
Cantering in the shadows of the trees,
There is a secret, obscured from sight,
A secret which is the utmost of perfection.



Her mane wispy, like threads of the most perfect cotton,
Her coat bathed in the light of the moon,
If one ever saw her, she would never be forgotten,
Her elegance and grace would forever linger in the soul.



Her face exquisite, her eyes like coal,
Her hooves making no sound at all,
A creature with a good, clear soul,
Untouched by sin or hatred.



The Unicorn, with eyes so bright,
Her movements serene and strong,
Cantering silently in the dead of the night,
As perfect as a moon-beam, pure and noble.



As she makes her way through the darkened wood,
Fading in the silence of the night,
For not all things last forever, no matter how good,
And where she will go, no-one shall know.



This one doesn't 'flow' too well, if you know what I mean XD It still needs some major editing, in my opinion, but I figured I'd post it anyway.

[obscure.]

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The Phoenix

By Obscure

His wings burning with the brightest flames,
His tail fashioned from the fire,
His eyes as black as the ashes around him,
As the phoenix rises higher and higher.


His beak as hooked, his talons sharp,
His body glowing with malevolent light,
He holds himself with dignity, with majesty,
As he flutters higher into the night.


Yet, the flames are faltering, his eyes are dull,
He no longer possesses the strength within him
To fly into the abyss of the night, to soar among the stars,
The fire within has grown dim.


His wings no longer are one with the wind,
His legs weary and old,
He sinks back down into his grave of ashes
And withers away, but yet, behold!


A cackle of flames, a hiss of heat,
A pillar of fire pierces the night,
It dies away, and there on the ashes
Sits a new-born phoenix, radiant with light.



Death is not the end, you see,
It is simply a new rebirth,
For the phoenix, once withered and old,
Has been reborn once again to the earth.



This is my favourite out of the lot, along with 'The Wolf'. As you can probably already tell, I enjoy writing about mythical creatures XD