What used to be (begun: 18.09.2012, found again and finished: 26.08.2014)
Like a broken shell of what I used to be
Sometimes I believe I just refuse to see
All the good things blossoming in me
All the good things that would set me free
Running round in ever moving spirals
Optical illusions going viral
Misery in sepia denial
Bleeding through my open, swindling smile
Like a fragment of a dream I used to see
Falling in an ocean of uncertainty
Chasing shimmers of its clarity
Chasing hope of what could once have been
Mere Fantasy (12.05.2012)
It's in the way your eyes light up in genuine delight
The way you smile at me like I'm the only light
Each time that you greet me with a mood so bright
Something flares up inside me, the fire you ignite
It's in the way you're there for me, when I'd least expect
The way you find your bridge to me, and we just connect
Each time you share your life with me, is has just this effect
Something builds up inside me, the tsunami you erect
When I'm with you I feel so light, I could soar up into the sky
Holding your hand, spread my invisible wings and fly
And at the door to heaven, I'd pour out in a cry
That you mean the world to me, and finish with a sigh
But this is all just fantasy, and I am losing touch
Because you'd never love me, and I love you too much
Broken Memories (27.08.2011)
Castles of sand
Slip through my fingers
What I thought would withstand
In the wind crumbles
The falling gravel I catch with my hand
What once was whole I try to mend
I try but I can't seem to find
The right pieces of my mind
I try to keep myself together
Stepping around shattered glass
Search for a way out of this morass
Shaking like a leaf, blowing away like a feather
Inside my world of broken memories
I can't touch, intangible like a soft breeze
Edited Version wrote:Castles of sand
Slip through my fingers
What I thought would withstand
Crumbles in the wind
The falling gravel I catch with my hand
What once was whole I try to mend
I try but I can't seem to find
The right pieces of my mind
I try to keep myself together
Stepping around shattered glass
Search for a way out of this morass
Shaking like a leaf, blowing away like a feather
Inside my world of broken memories
I can't touch, intangible like a soft breeze
Forever (24.12.2011)
You rip my heart right out my chest
Without a second glance
You have no mercy, you leave me messed
Backfiring are my greatest plans
Just when I think I am done falling
Tumbling, swaying, gravitating towards you
I hear your voice, like Sirens calling
Like to a flies' trap I'm sticking to the glue
Each and every smile you cast
Traps me inside your inescapably tight hold
In the knowledge it will never last
I soak up your warmth before my heart grows cold
If I ever found a way out of this pain-inflicting mess
How should I go on, how should I live, I cannot love you less
Edited Version wrote:You tear my heart right out of my chest
Without a second glance
You have no mercy, you leave me messed
Backfiring are my greatest plans
Just when I think I am done falling
Tumbling, swaying, gravitating towards you
I hear your voice, like Sirens calling
Like to a flies' trap I'm sticking to the glue
Each and every smile you cast
Traps me inside your inescapably tight hold
With the knowledge it will never last
I soak up your warmth before my heart grows cold
If I ever find a way out of this pain-inflicting mess
How should I go on, how could I live, I cannot love you less
Ticking ClocksWalls are closing in
Guilt from unknown sin
Too tired to move at all
Too alert to let sleep fall
Gears are set into motion
Time is slipping away
None of your devotion
Can make it stop today
Edited Version wrote:Walls are closing in
Guilt from unknown sin
Too tired to move at all
Too alert to let sleep fall
Gears are set into motion
Time is set in a spin
None of your devotion
Can make it stop today
Fight DestinyYou and me
Weren't meant to be
So let's fight our destiny
To make our hearts soar free
Path of Past Mistakes (25.10.2011 - 29.10.2011)
Looking back at my empty life, my head sprouts several headaches
And I see myself tied up, tangled in the threads of my mistakes
They say time will heal all wounds and make me soon forget
I wonder, why is it then I'm always waking with increasing dread
So many choices, dancing, whirling in my brain
So many people complimenting me - in vain
When I just see my own mistakes, lined in an endless lane
I reach for an answer but the lights go out and I'm blind
Forgiving is a virtue, so I should forgive myself, they say
Forgetting is what should ensue, to close my past's dark file
How should I forget, I ask, how should I forgive my way
So long has it been that I've forgotten to forgive and how to smile
Edited Version wrote:Looking back at my empty life, my head sprouts several headaches
And I see myself tied up, tangled in the threads of my mistakes
They say time will heal all wounds and make me soon forget
I wonder why it is then that I'm always waking with increasing dread
So many choices, dancing, whirling in my brain
So many people complimenting me - in vain
When I just see my own mistakes, lined in an endless lane
I reach for an answer but in the dark I'm no longer sane
Forgiving is a virtue, so I should forgive myself, they say
Forgetting is what should ensue, to close my past's dark file
How should I forget, I ask, how should I forgive my way
So long has it been that I've forgotten to forgive and how to smile
Untitled (14.07.2011)
It is a fire, nourished by the wind of a kiss
It pushes you over the edge of the deepest abyss
It is a puddle of water, refined by the layers of trust
It pushes you up where you're covered by angel dust
It is a gentle thunder, a violent grace
It inescapably invades all your heart's space
It is a warm blizzard, a harsh boon
It rapidly grows like a wild cocoon
No storm, no blaze can push it off course
No silence, no stillness can quiet its passionate source
What can be so sure that it stands all above?
What else can it be but the steady strength of love?
